tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18557102573409983672024-03-18T22:51:25.968-04:00HR BlogVOCATEfor anyone who's ever wondered why work has to be so hard ...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10382703244406413369noreply@blogger.comBlogger335125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855710257340998367.post-77358296964559420482016-01-29T18:46:00.000-05:002016-07-01T06:43:40.072-04:00Encounter with a Corporate Psychopath<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">If a friend told you
her boss was a “psychopath” you’d probably laugh.<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1855710257340998367" name="OLE_LINK2"></a></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">At one time or another,
most of us have worked with the “boss from hell” — a trying individual who
nitpicked; unfairly and relentlessly criticized; provided inconsistent, misleading,
or no direction; or even lied or bullied. We found ways to cope with the crazy
making and ultimately made our peace with the situation. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So now, when our friend
says her boss is a psychopath, we think we know what she means. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But what if we really didn’t?<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The Corporate Psychopath<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">We hear the term
“psychopath” and think Jack the Ripper or another violent, homicidal criminal.
We don’t connect psychopathy with, say, the ruthless Executive Director of our neighborhood
nonprofit. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">This</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i> are two entirely different kinds of
stuff, we tell ourselves. Perhaps. Or perhaps we’re horribly mistaken.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Contrary to popular
opinion, most psychopaths aren’t rotting in jail or locked away in a mental
institution. Truth be told, a psychopath could be hanging out in a corner
office near you.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"></span></span><a href="http://hare.org/"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="color: windowtext;">Robert D. Hare, PhD</span></span></span></a><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">, author of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us</i> and developer of the Psychopath Checklist (PCL-R), says violent psychopaths are
just a tiny portion of the whole. In </span></span><a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/snakes-in-suits-paul-babiak/1100609654?ean=9780061147890"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: windowtext;">Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work</span></i></span></span></a><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">, written by Hare and Paul Babiak, these
nonviolent psychopaths are called “corporate psychopaths.” <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Louis Bloom, the news
videographer in the movie <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Nightcrawler</i>,
is a perfect portrayal of the corporate psychopath. (Warning: Spoilers coming.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">In the beginning, Bloom
seems like a mildly eccentric loner/loser, barely making do with the proceeds
from his petty crimes. However, the fuller truth of Bloom soon emerges. Behind his
weirdly flat affect is a practiced and convincing liar who lacks empathy, displays
criminal versatility, and ruthlessly uses people for his own gains without remorse
and without a whit of consideration for what they might think about it. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Intelligent and articulate,
Bloom employs a mixture of creepy, off-beat charm; manipulation; and deceit to draw
his assistant Rick and mentor news director Nina into his narcissist schemes.
By the time they realize what’s what it’s too late. Bloom’s accomplishment is
particularly remarkable considering that Nina is no innocent herself. However,
Bloom is always at least one step ahead and manages to victimize her regardless.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Behind the Psychopathic Mask<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">During my 20 plus years
in the corporate world, I’ve worked with three executives who exhibited the
behaviors of a psychopath. This article will focus on one I’ll call Lee (not
her real name).<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I’ve chosen to write about
Lee for three reasons:</span></span></span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Despite
the work of respected scientists such as Hare<b>, society in general tends to be dismissive of the existence of the corporate
psychopath</b>, and this is a dangerous denial to nurture. Lee is no Easter
Bunny, and her destructive effect on coworkers, subordinates, and clients is
100% real.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><b>Targets or victims of
workplace psychopaths often are made to feel they’re the problem when in fact
they aren’t.</b> At the
risk of sounding strident, this is wrong. I hope my testimony can provide some
comfort to anyone who’s been blamed and shamed by a corporate psychopath and/or
his or her supporters.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><b>Lee
was by far the most wicked and destructive leader I’ve ever encountered.</b> The depth of her depravity was truly shocking, and
my relationship with Lee was strictly professional. God only knows the stories
her “friends” (psychopaths don’t really have friends) and
family could tell.<!--EndFragment--> </span></li>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Hare, who’s understandably
protective of the instrument he’s developed, has </span><a href="http://www.psychopathysociety.org/en/home/10-news/news.html" style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: windowtext;">made it clear</span></a><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> the PCL-R should be used only for the
purposes intended by trained professionals.</span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I respect Dr. Hare’s
stance and didn’t draw my conclusions by surreptitiously stalking Lee, pen and
checklist in hand. Instead, my conclusions followed months of near-daily observation
of and interaction with this troubled woman. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">In fact, </span></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empirical_research"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="color: windowtext;">empirical research</span></span></span></a><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext;">
</span></span></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">may
be the only way for a lay person to see behind the mask of the corporate psychopath.
As Dr. Hare states in the movie </span></span><a href="http://www.fisheadmovie.com/watch2"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="color: windowtext;">Fishead</span></span></span></a><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">,
you can’t spot a psychopath by looking at him or even by engaging in casual
conversation with him. <u><o:p></o:p></u></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And yet spot him we
must, because no one can protect us from these white-collar predators <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">but</i> us. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Up Close and Personal: My Encounter with a Corporate
Psychopath*<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">(*Some details have
been changed to protect the heinous.) <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">At our first meeting, I
thought Lee was funny, interesting, and a bit of a rebel. I was attracted to
that, because I’m a bit of a rebel, too. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">We agreed to meet for
lunch to discuss a potential work opportunity. I was early. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">When Lee arrived, late
enough to notice but not late enough to be unforgivable, she off-handedly apologized
and said she’d been on “an urgent call” with “You know, someone important.” <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">On its face, the
comment seemed innocuous, but the way Lee paused and stared at me afterwards
wasn’t. In retrospect, it was almost as though she was waiting for my reaction
to her implication (however subtle) that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I</i>
wasn’t important. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The moment passed, and
I brushed it aside. Truthfully, I didn’t know Lee well enough to be insulted. Her
comment struck me as a tad lacking in politeness but nothing more.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Our meal was enjoyable
enough. Lee and I discovered we had a few hobbies in common, and we seemed to
share a similar worldview. A couple of flags were raised, but again, I ignored them.
<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">For example, Lee was highly
opinionated, bossy, and a bit pretentious. She also had a slightly unsettling way
of smiling that was more of a grimace and lacked warmth.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Still, nobody’s
perfect, right? We made plans to keep in touch. She claimed to be working on a
few projects that I, as a freelancer, might find of interest.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Over the next few
months, we met two more times. Each time I decided I liked Lee a little less. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I began to notice that she
always had to get the last word, whether in face-to-face conversation or via
email. She was also a very poor listener and had a penchant for treating minor
differences of opinion like battle-worthy causes. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">For instance, during one
conversation, I mentioned that I favored the term “learning” instead of
“training” (in reference to corporate education), because I think being sent to
“training” has developed a negative connotation. Lee
disagreed—disagreeably—then wouldn’t shut up about why, prompting me to say
(somewhat surprised at her tenacity), “Look, it’s not worth fighting about.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Still, I was
conflicted. Perhaps I was being unfair or not seeing things clearly. Also, Lee
could turn out to be a valuable work contact.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Reeling Me In<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">In hindsight, it’s all
so clear. When self-interest is allowed to override good sense, nothing positive
can result. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Despite my misgivings,
when Lee invited me to bid on a project, I bit. After providing the application
materials I waited for a response, which she promised would be coming soon. It
didn’t. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Eventually I emailed
her, only to have her cavalierly respond that she’d decided to contract with
someone else. However, what really gave me pause was her admonishment that I
“never fear, because there [are] always other projects in the works.” The note
had an air of condescension that didn’t sit well with me. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I wrote back that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">she </i>needn’t fear—I had several projects
to keep me busy and had just picked up a new client, but thanks anyway. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Something didn’t feel
right. Or, more to the point, I didn’t care for the way Lee made me feel. I
decided I’d had enough of her.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Hook, Line, and Sinker<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Several months passed,
and I forgot about Lee. I didn’t contact her, and she didn’t contact me—until
she did.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">How can I explain what
happened next? Suffice it to say that time had dulled my reservations, and a gap
between freelance projects had ignited my anxiety about the future. Long story
short, I ended up working with Lee after all. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And it was hell from the
very beginning until the bitter (but by no means bittersweet) end.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Already a big fan of
abnormal psychology, over the next few months, I’d begin to read everything I
could about psychopathy, malignant narcissism, character disturbance, and
antisocial personality disorder, because something was very wrong, and I needed
help sorting it out.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Even so, I am one of
the lucky ones. Eventually, I’d end my relationship with Lee for good, escaping
before she could inflict the worst kind of damage to my psyche psychopathic
bosses are known for.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">My Pain Equals Your Gain <o:p></o:p></span></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And the good news is I’ve
learned lessons I’ll never forget. Plus (and I may as well go ahead and admit
it)—psychopaths are fascinating SOBs.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><o:p></o:p></b></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">The PCL-R contains a well-known
checklist of </span></span><a href="http://www.clintools.com/victims/resources/assessment/personality/psychopathy_checklist.html"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="color: windowtext;">twenty psychopathic
behaviors</span></span></span></a><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">,
and I won’t repeat them here. Instead, I’ll describe the psychopathic traits
Lee exhibited. These traits are what convinced me I was working alongside
someone with a severe personality disorder (or </span></span><a href="http://www.fastcoexist.com/1681468/your-boss-isnt-just-a-psychopath-its-way-worse-than-that"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">three).</span></span></a><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Lee’s Psychopathic Traits</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Superficial Charm</i></b></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">—</i></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">Lee knew how to flatter and schmooze
when it suited, but any affection she displayed was strictly for appearances.
The same person she’d compliment to his face she’d insult behind his back. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Case in point. Lee once
told me (with no prompting whatsoever) that she hoped the company didn’t hire
Dan (not his real name) a former employee interviewing for a current opening,
because he was “goofy,” and she “hated his loud laugh.” When Dan later came on
board, however, Lee made a big deal about telling him how pleased she was. Like
Lee’s earlier comments about Dan’s laugh, this statement was completely unprovoked.
No one <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">asked</i> Lee what she thought
about Dan. She took it upon herself to proactively approach Dan and then lie in
his face.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Inflated Sense of Self
(i.e., Narcissistic)</i></b></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">—I,
I, I, me, I, me, I. From Lee’s mouth, these pronouns were a litany. No question,
Lee’s favorite subject was herself—what she believed, what she wanted, and what
important and wonderful things she’d done. Unless she was wooing someone in
preparation for a con, alternate opinions were of no interest to Lee
whatsoever, and she’d frequently interrupt others as they were speaking.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">For example, Lee, who is
white, once inserted herself into a conversation another woman and I were
having about color (we are both African Americans and were recollecting certain
childhood experiences) to expound on her theories of U.S. race relations. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Frankly, I thought Lee’s
theories were dumb, shallow, and bordering on the insulting, so I said, “Well,
as a person of color, I have a different opinion.” Without skipping a beat, Lee
grandly stated “And you’re entitled to it!” … then kept talking about what <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">she</i> believed. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Mildly disgusted, I promptly
tuned Lee out. No longer the center of attention, she quit talking and left the
room.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Another time Lee spent
nearly an hour (an hour!) during a team meeting talking about everything except
work, including the “news” that her boyfriend would soon be moving in and how
she felt about it. Later, when another team member began telling a story about
a past work project, Lee rudely cut her off by declaring “We get it!” <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Entitled in the Extreme</i></b></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">—Lee assumed everyone would do her
bidding on command. What’s worse, her sense of importance meant that most of
the time she couldn’t be bothered to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ask</i>
for assistance. Instead, she’d articulate a need and expect others to eagerly
volunteer to meet it. Anyone who failed to pick up on the hint would later be
treated as though he’d disobeyed a direct order. This strategy had the
additional benefit of shielding Lee from anything that went wrong, as she could
always claim she’d never given the directive. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ridiculously and
Inappropriately Competitive</i></b></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">—Lee
always had to be right and was fond of saying “I like to win.” She wasn’t
exaggerating. Lee was the best example of “amoral” I’ve ever met, and she
routinely broke the rules to appear superior.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Sneaky, Deceitful, and
Manipulative</i></b></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">—Lee
was not to be trusted. She’d lie (more on that later), twist facts, withhold
information, break confidences, and gossip at the drop of a hat. And, as one
would expect from any good psychopath, she was fond of mind games and gas
lighting.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">As our relationship
deteriorated, Lee began “losing” documents I forwarded for her approval. This
proved to be a minor inconvenience to me (I quickly learned to photocopy everything before handing anything over), but a waste of time, materials, and
money for the company as well as a mark against Lee herself, who came off
looking disorganized and careless. However, none of that mattered, because it
amused Lee to inconvenience me. This is a good example of how psychopaths do
foolish things for their own pleasure without appreciating the big picture.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Controlling</i></b></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">—Lee was a monster micromanager who regularly
dictated what should be done as well as how and when to do it. Whether you had
2 years of work experience or 20 and regardless of your position, Lee wouldn’t
hesitate to order you around. However, her subordinates got the worst of it, as
Lee insisted on routinely denying them the least bit of autonomy while claiming
to be a gracious and supportive boss. She demanded frequent status updates in
multiple mediums and was an outrageous and petty fault finder. Furthermore,
employees were expected to copy Lee on all email messages and were barred from
contacting most other decision makers directly. Lee insisted on being the chief conduit of all
information. (All the better to stop everyone from piecing together all of
Lee’s lies, no doubt.) <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Domineering—</i></b></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">Like you’d expect of a true psychopath,
Lee treated people as objects to be used for her gratification. Anyone who protested
would be nagged or bullied into submission. If badgering or intimidation failed,
Lee would attempt to soil the individual’s reputation or remove him or her from
the organization. Lee always had to be the center of attention. She over-talked
clients and, of course, her employees. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Fluent Liar</i></b></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">—Some psychopaths lie with conviction
and are good at it; others lie calmly and without hesitation but are nonetheless
quite bad at it. I’ve worked with both. What’s important to note when
evaluating someone’s character is not merely how convincingly she lies, but how
often and for what purpose. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">In fact, it was by
studying Lee’s lies that I began to understand the depth of her pathology. Lee
could write a three-line note that contained as many lies <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">plus</i> a few half-truths thrown in for good measure. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Lee lied to clients,
government officials, subordinates, and peers. She lied on her resume. She lied while staring you in
the face and behind your back. She lied while claiming to be of high moral
character. (Lee once told me she took pride in holding herself to the “highest
ethical standard”—a statement without even a trace of truth). Lee lied about
her intentions, and she lied without breaking a sweat. She lied and then
demanded you act on her lies. If you called her on a lie, she’d lie again.
Eventually, the lies to cover the lies would become so ridiculous only a
complete moron would believe any of it, but that neither embarrassed nor
visibly alarmed Lee.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">In hindsight, I’m
totally convinced that during those early encounters with Lee she lied to me about
her hobbies as a means of artificially creating commonalities between us.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Blame Shifter</i></b></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">—Psychopaths won’t accept responsibility
for anything that goes wrong. They’ll blame their subordinates, their boss, their
peers, God, the universe, or the weather if need be. Lee’s favorite fall guy
was fate. She’d shrug her shoulders as if to say, “What are you going to do?”
as a response to events she’d clearly set in motion. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">For example, my last
day on the job, Lee expressed her regret things hadn’t worked out and then sorrowfully
lamented, “I know you haven’t always been happy working with me.” <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">First, there’s no way
in hell Lee was sorry to see me go. (In fact, my former teammate told me Lee
came to her the next day and gleefully declared, “I’m so happy she’s gone!”).
Second, that’s pretty passive language for a controlling, manipulative she-devil
who actively abused her authority at every turn, wouldn’t you say?<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Gossip</i></b></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">—Lee was nosy as shit, and it’s no
wonder. Gossip is valuable currency for corporate psychopaths, who use secrets and
“inside info” to manipulate events to their liking or for recruiting minions.
Half-truths are also handy for peppering lies. If you work with someone you
suspect is a psychopath (or other disturbed personality), don’t tell him <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">anything</i> about your personal life,
because it’s all fodder for his schemes. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Boundary Blurrer</i></b></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">—Psychopaths have serious boundary
issues and will invade others’ psychological and physical space without
hesitation. To loosely quote </span></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candice_DeLong"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="color: windowtext;">Candice DeLong</span></span></span></a><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">, former FBI profiler, psychopaths think
your stuff is their stuff that they just haven’t acquired yet. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Lee had a very annoying
habit of reaching out to touch my jewelry, clothing, and accessories,
ostensibly in admiration as she paid me a compliment. She was trespassing on my
personal space, and I eventually broke her of that habit by evading answers to
questions about where I bought such and such and more obviously recoiling when
she inappropriately advanced. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ruthlessly Selfish (Lacking
Empathy)</i></b></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">—</i></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">Lack of empathy is a hallmark
psychopathic trait. Lack of empathy means the psychopath neither understands
nor cares to understand how it feels to be you (or anyone else for matter)
unless those feelings can be used to manipulate. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Lee’s lack of empathy manifested
itself in ways small (waiting until the last possible moment to choose a
meeting time, regardless of how the delay impacted others’ schedules), medium
(consistently downplaying her bad behavior and its effects on others’), and
large (infantilizing her staff by denying them the tiniest modicum of autonomy
with absolutely no concern if her actions caused humiliation or other harm). <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Highly Critical of Others but
Hypersensitive to Criticisms </i></b></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">from<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Others</i></b></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">—Lee received any difference of opinion
as a personal insult. You either agreed with Lee or steeled yourself for an
argument or a bout of incessant haranguing until you changed your tune or quit
talking.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">At the same time, Lee
was very critical of others. In all the months of working with her, she vetoed
every single suggestion for improvement I made, always finding a reason why my
ideas weren’t as good as those she’d already implemented. Eventually I stopped
offering suggestions. Of course she criticized that as well.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Cruel</i></b></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">—Some psychopaths are bona fide sadists
and enjoy inflicting pain, both emotional and physical. For other psychopaths, however,
cruelty is a natural byproduct of their lack of empathy, and they neither enjoy
it nor are bothered by it. (Again, think about Bloom in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Nightcrawler</i>.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I believe Lee is a
sadist and enjoys hurting people, because I witnessed her commit cruel acts
without remorse. When Lee wanted something, she demanded it without caring what
it might cost someone, and if she couldn’t con or lie someone into action,
she’d shove him into it. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Why Does the Label Matter? (Or, Maybe Lee’s Not a
Psychopath, Just a Really Mean Person)<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I’m not a physician,
and it’s possible an actual physician if given the opportunity (psychopaths are
notoriously resistant to treatment), would diagnosis Lee as having some other
disorder or no disorder at all. (If the latter, I’d challenge that quack to
work 2 weeks with Lee without wanting to strangle her.) <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">You could argue that,
depending on the circumstances, any one of us could display a trait or two on
this list, and you’d be right. However, I’d argue that unless you’re a psychopath,
the display won’t characterize your behavior as a whole. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Not so with Lee. Her
lying, controlling, manipulative, deceptive behavior was of such consistency
and intensity that it defined her. Lee didn’t sometimes lie; she was a pathological
liar. She wasn’t sometimes manipulative, she was a master manipulator. Behind
Lee’s mask of politeness lurked a ruthless, untrustworthy snake of a human
being who cared for others only in so far as they were willing to serve her
needs without complaint. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And this much is undoubtedly
true: no one in the office enjoyed working with Lee. At best she was tolerated.
At worst she was despised. Her unpleasant and rigid personality frustrated all who
spent any significant length of time in her company. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">For my part, I often
felt trapped within the constraints of a “polite” society that tolerates
antisocial behavior so long as it remains masked in gentility. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Working with Lee caused
me to lose my temper and at times, my religion. If you can imagine what it
would be like to be managed by a malevolent and dark spirit with the emotional
development of a child but the power, influence, and intellect of an adult,
then you have a clue—but only a clue—of what it was like to work with Lee. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">There’s a reason
psychopathic bosses are likened to vampires—they’ll suck your energy, time,
talents, and will until there’s nothing left if you allow it. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Why Are We So Vulnerable to the Corporate Psychopath?<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Put another way, how in
the world do these people climb the corporate ladder and stay there?<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The answer to this
question is at once simple and complicated, perhaps as complicated as the human
race. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">First, the simple
answer. Psychopaths are gifted at deception.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">In <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way
Relationship in Work, Love, and Family</i>, Eleanor Payson writes: “The primary
reason this disorder is so illusive to identify … is that the NPD individual is
often extraordinarily capable of maintaining an impression of competence and,
sometimes, social charm as well.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Second, most of us take
people at face value. Paul Babiak calls it “believing people are real.” <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And most people are
real—more or less. In any case, they aren’t psychopathic. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">More importantly,
because we believe people are real, it doesn’t occur to us they could be lying
about who (and what) they really are. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Third, there’s
something about the way we’re born or bred that keeps us from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">wanting</i> to believe anyone we count as a
lover, friend, coworker, or boss could possibly be deranged. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">In an interview with
Fast Company, Martha Stout, author of </span></span><a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/sociopath-next-door-martha-stout/1100024283?ean=9780767915823"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The
Sociopath Next Door</i></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">,</span></span></a><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"> put it this way:<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“People see
sociopathy in their personal lives, and they don't have a clue that it has a
label or that others have encountered it. It makes them feel crazy or alone. It
goes against our intuition that a small percentage of people can be so
different from the rest of us—and so evil. Good people don't want to believe
it." <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Targets of office
psychopaths often find even their relatives and closest friends don’t believe
things could possibly be as bad as the target claims. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">The fourth</span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"> reason may lie in Babiak’s response to
the question,</span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"> </span></span><a href="http://www.hare.org/links/saturday.html"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="color: windowtext;">"How can you tell if your boss is a psychopath?"</span></span></span></a><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"> He says:<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“It's not easy. They
have traits similar to ideal leaders. You would expect an ideal leader to be
narcissistic, self-centered, dominant, very assertive, maybe to the point of
being aggressive. Those things can easily be mistaken for the aggression and
bullying that a psychopath would demonstrate. The ability to get people to
follow you is a leadership trait, but being charismatic to the point of manipulating
people is a psychopathic trait. They can sometimes be confused.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So long as we deem it
acceptable—even desirable—for leaders to exhibit psychopathic traits, we’ll
remain susceptible to the real deal.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And it’s a real shame,
because the corporate psychopath may not be a killer of men, but she’s definitely
a killer of organizations—one wicked act at a time.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10382703244406413369noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855710257340998367.post-56485555703064685072016-01-02T09:23:00.001-05:002016-01-02T09:25:08.113-05:00Happy New Year!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL7xtolL8NOnx52ttu9LtcPdjGHlRDGUEMqXZtd6pq8LnN6XakdlTITttbvG6bK1mhzTXftICR6ypTUEf3WYdiKzR_FH_g2VtYDDpmmvEI6rXUuwEFTUpfIaQb1skadX-Bm-1uFzX6pWg/s1600/happy_new_year_button.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL7xtolL8NOnx52ttu9LtcPdjGHlRDGUEMqXZtd6pq8LnN6XakdlTITttbvG6bK1mhzTXftICR6ypTUEf3WYdiKzR_FH_g2VtYDDpmmvEI6rXUuwEFTUpfIaQb1skadX-Bm-1uFzX6pWg/s320/happy_new_year_button.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10382703244406413369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855710257340998367.post-57396269953745063382015-09-26T09:49:00.000-04:002015-09-26T09:49:34.915-04:005 Reasons to Give HR Some Love<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwtUs_FaoDIwmQcB1dZB4Wj6lTTbVFKnpJ8Q_58lZZ5VKrNhtgYQ0xtjqp0idADPm-nMInTYyuIF1HR98Kdb4rjk_1c92A4YS-igJ8Qmc1C1kkWRjorKBOSpehIDdZ-wOOE3lei1DhPII/s1600/280512_18_05_2012_heart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwtUs_FaoDIwmQcB1dZB4Wj6lTTbVFKnpJ8Q_58lZZ5VKrNhtgYQ0xtjqp0idADPm-nMInTYyuIF1HR98Kdb4rjk_1c92A4YS-igJ8Qmc1C1kkWRjorKBOSpehIDdZ-wOOE3lei1DhPII/s320/280512_18_05_2012_heart.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Poor <a href="https://hbr.org/2015/07/why-we-love-to-hate-hr-and-what-hr-can-do-about-it">HR gets so much hate.</a> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Sadly, some of it is justified, but there’s
also a lot to appreciate about HR. For example:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
</div>
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>We know more than you
think. </b>I’m not talking
about best practices, workplace trends, or breaking employment law-related
news, I’m talking about important stuff, like who in the company does a great
job and who’s a problem in the making—waaaaaay before the manager wants to
admit it. (I’ll let you in on a little secret:<b> </b>It’s all in the new-hire paperwork. Whoever’s wildly irresponsible
with the paperwork is most likely a disorganized hot mess or an entitled jerk, and
in time the work will tell. The opposite is true for those who diligently and
completely return their stuff. Honest.)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>We’d take a bullet for
you. </b>Metaphorically,
that is. In 2011, SHRM reported that <a href="http://www.shrm.org/hrdisciplines/safetysecurity/articles/pages/bullyinghrprofessionals.aspx">nearly 31.4 percent of HR professionals
had been bullied at work</a>.
Sixty percent said they experienced bullying behavior on a daily basis. One
reason? According to study author Theresa Daniel, HR professionals often stayed
in a bad situation because they were serving as the “ ‘organizational shock
absorbers’—they cared about the employees so much that they felt if they exited
their role there would be nobody there to protect the other employees.”<span style="color: #262626;"> </span>I’ll just let that sink in for a moment.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>We’re getting better.</b> A couple of weeks ago, I had a
conversation with a retired HR pro who expressed her opinion that handbooks
should be as bare bones as possible—you know, so an employee can never “prove”
a company isn’t following its policies. Geez Louise. Thank you for your service
and goodbye! I can’t imagine any forward thinking HR practitioner harboring
this attitude. (At least none of the ones I associate with think this way.) I believe
that means we deserve some credit for evolving. Don’t you?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>We make it look easy. </b>Has everyone been paid the right amount
and are all payroll deductions correct? Check. No EEOC complaints this year,
last year, or the year before? Check. Is the new time and attendance system in
place and is everyone trained in its use? Check. Are all positions filled and
all new hires on board with the (aforementioned) paperwork complete? Check,
check, check. It’s not as effortless as it looks, folks. Not even boring old
payroll. (Well, I actually like payroll, but I know everyone doesn’t.)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>We keep your secrets. </b>Whether they’re financial, medical, or
marital HR keeps your secrets. What’s more, you can sit in our chair and call
your boss an incompetent, <a href="http://www.eremedia.com/tlnt/dont-let-a-narcissistic-boss-poison-the-team/">narcissistic</a> douche-bag, and we’ll never tell. And
when your boss says she’d love to fire you, but <i>her</i> boss won’t allow it, we won’t tell that either. You call it
two-faced, we call it doing our job.</span></li>
</ol>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">So
there you have it. Five very good reasons why HR should get a little more
respect once in a while. Can you think of others?</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10382703244406413369noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855710257340998367.post-62450369603942555002015-08-18T22:21:00.001-04:002015-09-16T22:13:09.781-04:00Chaos and Confusion, the Making of Sheep, and Apathy: Hallmarks of the Unhealthy Workplace<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTnKB5vnLbQADxFfGyo_ZK5YWpUERZuRaiocQk20NCDN39tL2MbfUa9mxNWurFWJetBOxyCQ61o-s1_d1EKCuCOyPZhek8ZNXAHQfnAJ_YOZ4taRlnXVBEnSy0NyNzi_H9nKjVVgHYkTQ/s1600/Babel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTnKB5vnLbQADxFfGyo_ZK5YWpUERZuRaiocQk20NCDN39tL2MbfUa9mxNWurFWJetBOxyCQ61o-s1_d1EKCuCOyPZhek8ZNXAHQfnAJ_YOZ4taRlnXVBEnSy0NyNzi_H9nKjVVgHYkTQ/s320/Babel.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">In <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/7142-all-happy-families-are-alike-each-unhappy-family-is-unhappy">Anna Karenina</a>, Leo Tolstoy famously wrote “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The same could be said
of workplaces. At least, each dysfunctional work environment I’ve ever
encountered was dysfunctional in its own way. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Some were ruled by <a href="http://crystalspraggins.blogspot.com/2014/05/when-your-boss-is-in-love-with-herself.html">narcissists</a>, others by cowards, and others by the dimwitted clueless. Still
others (I suspect) were ruled by the verifiably personality disordered, although
I could never prove it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">In each case, the differences
in leadership drove the differences in degree and type of dysfunction as well
as how that dysfunction manifested itself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Still, unhealthy
workplaces do share some similarities, and the reason for this is twofold:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">All of humanity has shared traits</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">There are many ways to love someone but only a few ways to kill him.</span></li>
</ol>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">As such, dysfunctional
workplaces have three things in abundance:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Chaos and confusion</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Sheep</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Apathy</span></li>
</ol>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">A Closer Look <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Sadly, in the most toxic
of workplaces, these three are not merely byproducts of the dysfunction but
instead have been carefully and deliberately crafted by the sickest members of
the group for the purpose of controlling the others. (If this were a laughing
matter, I'd write: “Cue maniacal laughter” right here.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Chaos and confusion<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">People who crave control
use confusion to maintain the upper hand. Confusion throws us off our game and
keeps us guessing. One thing all dysfunctional workplaces have in common is
layers and layers of confusion, whether that be confused reporting relationships,
confused goals, confused priorities, confused processes and policies (“Yes, we
know the manual says <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i>, but we’re
going to do this instead”), or confused values (i.e., we say we believe <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">this</i>, but we routinely sanction and do <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i>).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Sheep<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Sheep make the
dysfunctional workplace go round. Sheep do as they’re gosh darn told, even if
what they’re told is conflicting, irrational, unethical, or illegal. Sheep
shrug their shoulders and say, “Hey, I have a mortgage to pay. Baaaaa.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">It’s not all their
fault, though. Some sheep <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">do </i>have
mortgages (as well as car payments and medical expenses and kids’ tuition and
student loans, etc.), and sheep are carefully bred in unhealthy workplaces,
where subjects get dinged quick for stepping out of line, and mostly everyone
is a subject. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Apathy<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Apathy is what comes
after giving a damn is revealed to be futile. Apathy says, “Screw this. It’s
not worth it to care.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">In the most unhealthy of unhealthy workplaces, apathy
says “Screw <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">you</i>. And you and you. I
need to survive, and if I have to backstab, lie, and watch idly as my coworker
is humiliated, so be it. It’s not my fault things are messed up, and it’s not
my problem to fix. I’m just doing what I have to do.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Apathy’s pugilistic and
more intelligent cousin is purposeful disengagement. Purposeful disengagement says,
“This place is nuts, and as such I will limit my emotional investment. However,
I’ll give the company what it’s paying for. But more than that would be foolish
and contrary to my well being.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Unfortunately, only the
most self-aware, courageous, and honorable employees can practice purposeful disengagement. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Why Does This Happen?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Sigh. Why ask why?
Unhealthy workplaces thrive in their dysfunction because someone in control
gets a payoff when they do. That someone is usually a tyrannical so-and-so at
the top, and he or she often will have sycophants who get a share of the
goodies, too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But enough about them.
If you’re not in control, you can’t do anything about them. I mean, you can
mess with their heads a little (I’ve done that), for your own education and
even amusement, but that’s not a long-term strategy. That’s something to do on
your way out the door. You know, so you can blog about it later.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So what CAN you do?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">It’s the serenity prayer
all the way, folks. Change what you, and accept what you can’t. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Be a zealous truth
seeker. Don’t idealize, because that’s the road to insanity. Today you had a good day. Hallelujah.
That doesn’t mean things are changing for the better. Know that, and make your
decisions accordingly. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Also, don’t be
apathetic, please. Apathy makes for a crueler workplace, and it puts you on the
side of the problem makers/sustainers. Instead, learn to purposefully disengage without sacrificing your humanity. You’ll be the better for it, as
will your coworkers, current and future.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10382703244406413369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855710257340998367.post-38288086318167260862015-07-06T08:50:00.002-04:002015-07-06T08:51:28.579-04:00Without Accountability, Organizations Don’t Function Well <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiod-HKHfLa85vdvX_q6hekk1g5gmLLzZaw51EXXO1tDhQt4c8euMv0XepjVCkzKOCUghVRDZM5S3J-zc4-Y2CXjrg5AyxC7R7Nrfj5Ik04o5QyEKlsJthYl2lGepJp5Icx0Rr6hDlbEaw/s1600/000532-0031-000253.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiod-HKHfLa85vdvX_q6hekk1g5gmLLzZaw51EXXO1tDhQt4c8euMv0XepjVCkzKOCUghVRDZM5S3J-zc4-Y2CXjrg5AyxC7R7Nrfj5Ik04o5QyEKlsJthYl2lGepJp5Icx0Rr6hDlbEaw/s320/000532-0031-000253.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">No one disputes
the importance of accountability in healthy workplaces, but the meaning of the
word seems to escape many.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Case in point.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">During a
monthly “lunch and learn” with a group of company leaders, the topic veered to
performance management and the problem of late reviews. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Senior
leadership was often late with evaluations, and that gave tacit approval for
all managers to follow suit. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">And when they
did follow suit, there were no formal consequences to their actions. The
practice may have been hell on employee morale, but the CEO never held his
managers accountable, and I mentioned that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Well, one of
the senior leaders objected. She said she <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">was</i>
held accountable when her reviews were late. I asked how. She responded that if
she missed her deadline, she’d go to the CEO and fully expect to offer an
explanation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I was speechless
… for a moment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Recovering
quickly, I told her that what she’d described was not what I’d call being held
accountable. Accountability has costs. And then I asked a question she
absolutely did not like:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“What about your employees waiting for
their reviews? How are you being held accountable to them?”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Silence.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Another manager
in the room said, “I never thought about that.” She nodded her head slowly to
indicate she would in the future.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">(I’d always
liked this manager—she was good people. Naturally she was later fired by The
Silent One.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Corporate accountability is a community
thing<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">True
accountability takes a community. That’s why addicts are often ordered to group
therapy. One on one, the addict may talk crap to his counselor, but put him in a
group and he’ll be shamed by his peers if he starts in with any manipulative,
blame-shifting mumbo jumbo.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Unfortunately, some
leaders believe being held “accountable” to nothing more than their own conscious
fulfills the spirit of the word. They’re wrong. And it matters, because without
accountability organizations don’t function well. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Deadlines are
missed, promises are broken, trust is abused, and efforts at improving processes
are futile, because some will continue as they please, and no one will insist they
do otherwise.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“We hold these truths to be self-evident
…”<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I’m a proud
American, and whenever I reflect on the Founding Fathers and the Declaration of
Independence, I appreciate anew the wonder of their accomplishments. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Have you read
the <a href="http://www.archives.gov/exhibits/charters/declaration_transcript.html">Declaration of Independence</a> lately? You might want to. It’s
awesome. Awesome.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The Founding
Fathers held the King of Great Britain accountable, and they held each other
accountable, too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">When we follow
their lead, it’s amazing what we can achieve. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10382703244406413369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855710257340998367.post-1185967780207353562015-06-15T22:08:00.001-04:002016-01-29T19:15:40.474-05:00Is Rachel Dolezal’s “Blackface” a Slap in the Face to African Americans?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyOBrQPgd3YPC4S88TWVYrJTVqFP-LLBYehUC0mYpwmB3BY9_3m9nqd-HfHOi5Zc8WF7QCXTLl8BhGmsElTpM9gd7aaLrh_qrIclsVwv172ph4gaHgRfKRQphgTDsgoEN8h5jhHuqVd8A/s1600/dolezale.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyOBrQPgd3YPC4S88TWVYrJTVqFP-LLBYehUC0mYpwmB3BY9_3m9nqd-HfHOi5Zc8WF7QCXTLl8BhGmsElTpM9gd7aaLrh_qrIclsVwv172ph4gaHgRfKRQphgTDsgoEN8h5jhHuqVd8A/s1600/dolezale.jpeg" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">When I heard the news that Rachel Dolezal, President of the NAACP chapter in Spokane Washington, <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2015/06/13/us/washington-rachel-dolezal-adopted-brother/">was a white woman passing for black</a>, I almost fell off my chair.<br /><br />So many questions rushed in.<br /><br />What in the … ? Why would any white person do such a thing? What does it mean? Was Dolezale wrong to do it? Should I be offended? If Dolezale assumed a black face to nab the NAACP role, are her actions any more objectionable than those of Dr. Albert Johnston, <a href="http://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2014/10/07/354310370/a-chosen-exile-black-people-passing-in-white-america">a black man who passed for white</a> so that he could practice medicine?<br /><br />And of course the biggest question of all—If a woman looks black and identifies as black, who’s to say she isn’t? <br /><br /><b>Is Race a Social Construct?</b><br /><br />Dolezale sports a curly fro and olive skin, but recently released photos show she wasn’t born with these attributes. <br /><br />In a <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2015/06/13/us/washington-rachel-dolezal-adopted-brother/">CNN article</a>, Dolezale’s mother says Dolezale grew up in a diverse household that included four adopted siblings who are black and that she was “always interested in ethnicity and diversity.”<br /><br />At some point, Dolezale’s interest morphed into something more bizarre. <br /><br />Ezra Dolezale, one of the adopted brothers, says he noticed physical changes taking place around 2011. “There was the gradual darkening of the skin and the hair. She started molding herself into who she is today.” Age 37 now, Dolezale would have been in her early thirties then.<br /><br />Dolezale’s transformation begs the question: If a <a href="http://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2015/06/caitlyn-jenner-bruce-cover-annie-leibovitz">man can change his gender</a>, why can’t a woman change her race? <br /><br />Unlike gender, the experts tell us <a href="http://www.pbs.org/race/000_About/002_04-experts-01-09.htm">race is not biological</a>. And so, I’ll ask it again—<br /><br />If a white woman decides she wants to be black, who is anyone to object?</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><b>Does Context Matter?</b><br /><br />Did Dolezale lie about her race simply to gain advantage, or would she truly prefer to be black? Does it matter? <br /><br />One thing we know for certain—you don’t have to be African American to advocate for positive changes within the African American community. <br /><br />In a <a href="http://www.naacp.org/press/entry/naacp-statement-on-rachel-dolezal">formal statement</a> about the controversy, the NAACP said: “One's racial identity is not a qualifying criteria or disqualifying standard for NAACP leadership.”<br /><br />So what was Dolezale playing at? And why does it matter? If Dolezale wants to darken her skin, throw on a curly wig, and pretend she has a black father, why should we care? <br /><br />(By the way, perhaps Chris Rock should interview Dolezale for <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1213585/">Good Hair: The Sequel?</a> It’s not every day you find a white woman who wants black hair. Just saying.)<br /><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><b>Many Blacks Not Pleased</b><br /><br />Dolezale announced earlier today that she is stepping down from her role. <br /><br />I’d describe her note, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/spokane.naacp/posts/1623781377868883">posted on the NAACP's Facebook page</a>, as a defiant piece of gobbledygook containing some surprisingly <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=humblebrag">humble brag</a>-worthy moments, such as when Dolezale writes: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>“I am consistently committed to empowering marginalized voices and believe that many individuals have been heard in the last hours and days that would not otherwise have had a platform to weigh in on this important discussion.”</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Hmmm …<br /><br />Dolezale’s statement, which is seven paragraphs long, is also conspicuously devoid of anything remotely resembling an apology. And even if Dolezale doesn’t owe any of us an apology, by all reports she owes her family members one, especially Erza, who told CNN: </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>
“She told me not to blow her cover about the fact that she had this secret life or alternate identity. She told me not to tell anybody about Montana or her family over there. She said she was starting a new life ... and this one person over there was actually going to be her black father." </i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Ezra Dolezale also gave this damning quote:</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>"It's kind of a slap in the face to African-Americans because she doesn't know what it's like to be black. She's only been African-American when it benefited her. She hasn't been through all the struggles.”</i></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">What do you think?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Clearly this black woman is conflicted.</span><br />
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10382703244406413369noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855710257340998367.post-43536599312686350132015-05-26T22:21:00.000-04:002015-07-04T13:01:48.287-04:00Thinking of Hiring Your Kind of Liar? Think Again<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdRZUaDUufPrHyUVhfACbIE1vSEKRzHV3vCctk10k5XfmrwedeZzzcsEoBXAnwItZVWskOH5cax54kaZBoFUzYWsvHfjkSl0ojpcEQie_QnntV7jMR8h1l14MFxXbgpCLOT3v9Bq_8IiI/s1600/1_1825.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdRZUaDUufPrHyUVhfACbIE1vSEKRzHV3vCctk10k5XfmrwedeZzzcsEoBXAnwItZVWskOH5cax54kaZBoFUzYWsvHfjkSl0ojpcEQie_QnntV7jMR8h1l14MFxXbgpCLOT3v9Bq_8IiI/s320/1_1825.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">There’s a certain type
of leader you only have to work with for … oh … 5 minutes, before concluding
that she sucks.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Why? Because said leader is extremely talented at making everything about her. As far as she's concerned, you and your opinions are garbage. (So if you’ve ever wondered why
this manager always looks like she smells something bad, well, that’s why.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Depending on how long the
individual has been in the workforce, she may have learned to solicit your
opinion every now and again (having been told that this is what good managers do),
but you quickly discover she isn't listening, and she'll never use the
information, or barely acknowledge you offered it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Shame.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Like me, you may have
wondered more than once how these damn people keep getting hired into positions
of authority. Their self-centeredness and near pathologic need for control
can’t be hidden. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Could it be <a href="http://www.tlnt.com/2015/03/05/why-is-american-business-so-totally-addicted-to-bad-managers/">someone else in authority actually detected these
traits during the interview stage and hired the person anyway?</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=methinks">Methinks</a>
yes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Itching to hire "my kind of liar"</span></b><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Considering everything
we know about the psychology of talent sourcing, including <a href="http://insight.kellogg.northwestern.edu/article/hirable_like_me/">how hiring managers often extend job offers to
people who remind them of themselves</a>,
I’ve concluded that some of these truly awful leaders are brought on board
because the hiring manager, who considers himself or herself a little cocky—but
in a good way—believed this individual’s “edge” would be beneficial for the business.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The thinking goes something
like this:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>“Jamie’s a little
haughty, but I like that. You need confidence in this game to get things
moving. And I know she’s probably exaggerating her accomplishments a little,
but she’s just trying to make a good impression. I like that, too. A bit of
boldness never hurt. Plus, Jamie’s got great technical skills. I think we’d be
lucky to have such a poised, aggressive, and knowledgeable person on staff.”</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">For the love of all
that’s holy and good, employer, please … stop right there.<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You know this person—not!<o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Once upon a time, I hired
a man (let’s call him Pete) who exhibited humor, charm, and flawless
professionalism. He had a great resume, too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">We had a good time
during the interview. My <a href="http://www.gifbin.com/982966">BS meter</a>
went off once or twice, but I was having too much fun to pay it any mind. In my
foolishness, I chalked Pete’s braggadocio up to youthful exuberance. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Sometimes I’m an idiot.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Later, I’d learn that Pete: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Falsified his resume, claiming education and work experience he didn’t have.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Lied that he’d been laid off from his last job when he’d been fired.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Colluded with a friend to provide a false reference. (Yes, believe it or not, Pete’s friend pretended to be his former manager at a company neither had ever stepped foot in.)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Claimed to be enrolled in a Master’s degree program at a school that’d never heard of him.</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">It took me a few months to untangle Pete’s half-truths and outright lies, but boy was that a life lesson! (Also, Pete’s former manager and I became friends, which was nice.)</span><br />
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But I KNOW I’m not the
only sucker to have hired a total fraud, all because <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I saw something of myself in this person</i> and figured, “Hey, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I’m</i> okay, so he’s okay.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Dumb.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I gave the recruiter who
found Pete hell, but most of the blame fell squarely on my shoulders. Live and
learn indeed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Just say no</span></b><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">There’s a common
misconception that because we all tell lies, we should presume the liars we encounter
are harmless.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Folks, that’s a
dangerous presumption.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Despite my poor
decision, I got off easy. Pete was not hired into a management position, and
his performance tipped me off almost immediately that <a href="http://www.shakespeare-online.com/quickquotes/quickquotehamletdenmark.html">something was rotten in Denmark.</a> Within a few months, he was gone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Still, I implore
you—don’t allow a trickster to slither into your workplace out of a mistaken
belief that <a href="https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/20141006125226-10136502-why-you-must-lie-on-job-interviews-and-what-you-must-lie-about">lying during a job interview is expected</a>, and therefore it’s not only harmless but
evidence of a savvy jobseeker/healthily ambitious worker who’s only doing what any
one of us would do to get a job.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Instead of “your kind of
liar,” you might find yourself with a deceiver like none other; one who wrecks
your team, compromises your brand, and wastes your time—and that’s if you’re
lucky.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10382703244406413369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855710257340998367.post-76468367174080492992015-05-16T08:45:00.000-04:002015-05-26T22:22:27.635-04:00Management Challenge #293: The Narcissistic Boss<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7A7ukwKucTrIBupBSxpCXvxpaKchAe4w1P5iwfqB4yUX7Go9kS8Us-Q_2imJx5ea635FooNSlDjrOvwn5SxZFeGL-z_ZE6d13ZZiofLmdnM_LQavzymDUe7hfrPJZ0Cxzak91vBApQX4/s1600/Vain.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7A7ukwKucTrIBupBSxpCXvxpaKchAe4w1P5iwfqB4yUX7Go9kS8Us-Q_2imJx5ea635FooNSlDjrOvwn5SxZFeGL-z_ZE6d13ZZiofLmdnM_LQavzymDUe7hfrPJZ0Cxzak91vBApQX4/s320/Vain.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Of all the offensive managerial
types, the narcissist has got to be one of the worst.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">For our purposes, the
term “narcissist” does NOT refer to those with <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder">narcissistic personality disorder</a> (although God knows you don’t want someone with
this diagnosis in your workplace). Instead, we’ll be talking about your
garden-variety but nonetheless dangerous self-serving and self-loving boss.
That’s enough bad news for one day. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Hallmarks of the Narcissistic Boss<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Narcissistic bosses believe
the world would be a much better place if everyone were just like them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Employees toiling under
these self-centered tyrants quickly begin to feel stifled, demoralized, and
unappreciated. And no wonder. Each of us is a unique human being with a
distinctive personality, temperament, and worldview. It doesn’t feel good when
someone attempts to suppress our wills by imposing theirs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Also, narcissists tend
to be sneaky little so-and-sos. They’ll pretend to be “nice” when it suits
their purposes, but when it doesn’t watch out! Naturally, their employees
receive the brunt of their malice.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">What’s more,
narcissistic bosses set people up for failure. Demands are communicated haphazardly
and with a near total lack of transparency. Data without context is a specialty;
narcissists are crazy tight-fisted with information. The poor soul responsible for
pleasing an implacable narcissist often finds him- or herself in a damned if
you do/damned if you don’t position. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">It’s a puzzle. How can
someone provide so much detail (these folks are <a href="http://www.tlnt.com/2015/01/08/how-to-follow-up-without-being-a-pain-in-the-rear-micromanager/">micromanagers</a> for sure) and still be so terrible at communicating what they want?
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But perhaps worst of
all, narcissists have no (zilch, zippo, nil) sense of humor about themselves. As
such, they are prickly, oversensitive to criticism, and dishonest (<i>“Admit a
mistake? Hell no. I’ll just pretend you misunderstood or blame someone else
…”</i>). </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">They are, in a word, “difficult” to work with. Not that they actually care
to work <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">with</i> anyone. Narcissists are
the ultimate <a href="http://www.tlnt.com/2014/08/07/is-teamwork-overrated-only-when-leaders-arent-really-on-the-team/">non-team playing players</a>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">In a nutshell,
narcissistic bosses are:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>Emotionally shallow</b>;</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>Lacking in empathy</b>;</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>Ridiculously self-absorbed</b>;</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>Envious</b>; </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>Impervious to blame; </b></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><b>and</b></span></li>
<li><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Untrustworthy</span></b></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">But, narcissists have two things in their favor: </span><br />
<ol><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">
<li><b>They’re great at sucking up</b> to those they deem important. </li>
<li><b>They’re completely shameless</b> and will do most anything to meet their dastardly goals. As a result, they’re talented at catching the rest of us off guard and unprepared to deal with someone whom we couldn’t fathom would do that.</li>
</span></ol>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">
</span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Handling the Narcissistic Manager<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">First, accept that you must do something</b>, because inaction is not a responsible option. Narcissists
are toxic to teams, partly because they’re envious and will deliberately
sabotage others’ success and partly because they annoy the heck out of people.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Second, if the narcissist is someone you hired, admit
this wasn’t your best decision and move on</b>. Pretending that nothing is wrong will only compound the problem. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Third, let your ethics be your guide. </b>We often know the right thing to do but talk
ourselves out of doing it to avoid inconvenience, embarrassment, shame, or some
other perceived loss. Please don’t do that now. Whatever circle of influence
your narcissistic employee has, he or she is probably using it for no good—or
more to the point, no one else’s good.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Fourth, don’t be fooled.</b> Narcissists care very little for you or your
company goals, no matter what they say to the contrary. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Fifth, listen. </b>If you have a narcissist in your workplace, you’ll know it, because
he or she is forever ruffling somebody’s feathers. Interpersonal conflict and narcissists
are like salt and pepper—where one is you can usually find the other. A real
tale-tell sign? When you start to listen, you’ll begin to hear from people who
typically don’t butt heads with anyone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Sixth, hope for rehabilitation, but prepare for
separation. </b>The challenge of managing
interpersonal conflict is that everyone has a point of view. So be doubly
careful when disciplining a narcissist. Document everything. Provide reasonable
chances. Exercise compassion but be firm. One <a href="http://www.tlnt.com/2015/04/30/seven-ways-to-tell-if-your-bad-apple-still-has-value/">bad apple</a> shouldn’t be allowed to spoil your barrel.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Don’t believe the hype
of the brilliant, narcissistic boss who drives his people to wild heights of
success with his unwavering commitment to innovation and excellence. (Think Steve
Jobs … or at least what people say about Steve Jobs.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">That’s crap. Most
narcissistic bosses are average-performing little despots skilled at smoke and
mirrors. If they won’t do better, I guarantee you can.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10382703244406413369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855710257340998367.post-26957821017748174372015-04-24T17:43:00.000-04:002015-04-25T09:55:59.098-04:00Never Trust HR and Other Workplace Tips for Millennials<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF50afh0iCPAbm-Q58qjh61KlYVCEsUChJzbWvgCCMxmdyzgjGPgNcAI6EPzLZ45isPbLleojrhS9mIA31epP885Z9YRIHopY2Dt0Gqz6ms-GlW5PQW8a6J7_YnqGoi7HKTlOJ2QUBu3M/s1600/andresr12207.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF50afh0iCPAbm-Q58qjh61KlYVCEsUChJzbWvgCCMxmdyzgjGPgNcAI6EPzLZ45isPbLleojrhS9mIA31epP885Z9YRIHopY2Dt0Gqz6ms-GlW5PQW8a6J7_YnqGoi7HKTlOJ2QUBu3M/s1600/andresr12207.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">One of my favorite
Millennials is graduating from college next month, and it occurs to me that he,
like millions of others from the so-called <a href="https://medium.com/@AnubisEvans/a-godless-generation-an-explanation-why-millennials-find-organized-religion-fake-3aef2947a8b3"><span style="color: windowtext;">Godless Generation</span></a>, could benefit from some sage counsel before
entering the workforce.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So while the world may
view us crusty Gen-Xers as all but done, holding on for dear life while
awaiting our sure and inevitable Millennial takedown (or is it shakedown?), I
say “Bah! You’ve still got lots to learn from us, kids.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">For example… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Follow Instructions<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Getting ahead at work is
nearly impossible if you can’t follow instructions. I don’t care how much you
know, how brilliant you are, or how much experience you have, following
instructions is key to getting—and more importantly, keeping—a job. There’s a
time for creativity, breaking the rules, and deviating from what’s expected,
but most likely that’s not at the beginning of a brand new job in a brand new
career. And if you don’t understand the instructions, PLEASE don’t pretend you
do. Instead, ask <a href="http://compellingconversations.com/blog/2010/09/20/conversation-tip-9-clarifying-questions/comment-page-1/"><span style="color: windowtext;">clarifying questions</span></a>. (And if you don’t know what a clarifying
question is, do the research.) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Respect Your Boss<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Offering respect to someone
respectable is easy. Offering respect to someone decidedly NOT respectable is a
real feat, but there’s not a whole lot to be gained by demonstrating contempt
for your boss. So unless it’s a matter of psychological, physical, or financial
survival, (1) don’t violate the chain of command, (2) don’t ignore directives,
and (3) don’t talk fresh.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Respect Yourself <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Now is as good a time as
any to learn how to stick up for yourself as well as for what’s right. In
addition to providing financial security, work is a source of satisfaction, purpose,
and identity for many. Work is good. However, the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">workplace</i> can be an incubator and a haven for all manner of human wickedness
and dysfunction, so prepare to be tried and tested while resolving to gather
from each trial additional strength, resilience, moral clarity, and emotional
intelligence.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Practice Being a Good Judge of Character<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">How well you fare at
work will in large part come down to how well you judge character. In whom will
you place your confidence? Choose poorly, and you’ll pay the price. Choose
well, and you’ll reap the rewards. Correctly discerning character takes time, patience,
and a willingness to accept people as they prove themselves to be. Someone who claims
good character but who lies, is manipulative, or appears uninterested in <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reciprocity_%28social_psychology%29"><span style="color: windowtext;">the Law of Reciprocity </span></a>should be judged by his actions, not his words.
And speaking of which …<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Use Your Words Responsibly<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Words have weight and
power. Use your words to edify, educate, and entertain but don’t use them to
hurt. Don’t engage in vicious gossip, don’t tell fibs, and don’t say mean and nasty
things just because you can. And for God’s sake, use Spell Checker! It’s amazing
how many employees don’t bother with that nowadays. Your work will stand out if
you do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Pay Attention<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Pay attention, and you’ll
go far. Study people. Take the time to understand why most of us do what we do,
and you’ll be an empathetic and inspiring leader, no matter your official
title. On a more practical note, paying attention will also enhance your
ability to quickly pick up new tasks, which any good manager will appreciate.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Volunteer<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Do that thing other
people won’t, and you’ll gain favor, self-insight, and new skills. And here’s
the thing about skills. You can build on them, and no one—no matter how determined—can
ever take them away from you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Don’t Let the Haters Get You Down<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The brighter your light
shines, the more some joker will determine to take you down. Who knows what
motivates these hateful spirits, and who cares? The point is to not let them cause
you to doubt your ability, sincerity, or intentions. Smile, stay on path, and
determine to let the haters choke on their own venom, if that’s what they want.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Never Trust HR<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">And, oh yeah … never
trust HR. Right now the profession is in quite a flux, and it’s full of people
who simply aren’t very good at their jobs. Sadly, they’re okay with that. So … if you ever find yourself on the wrong side of a workplace dispute, don’t go to HR expecting to be helped. Go to cover your butt or go to
satisfy your curiosity, but don’t go hoping something useful will result, or
you’ll be disappointed. And hey, if something useful DOES result, it’s all
gravy! But even so, be sure and run everything by <s>Mom</s> another HR pro (who doesn't work for your company) you
can trust, because she’ll always give you the real deal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Happy Graduation! </span><span style="font-family: Bell MT;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10382703244406413369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855710257340998367.post-36116513795973872702015-03-23T23:31:00.000-04:002015-09-03T22:39:51.418-04:00Portrait of a Corporate Psychopath: How J.K. Simmons Nailed It in Whiplash<style>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLY4e9_DO6iBjKWCLtdRdxZzEGJxfkGX9KhFuPtUmr8XTgRNUY16RVUttZFx3-X-OfofLTtl4THv6mopPT7A_VTP5sTnse82gkeUgZUGjdQksRLZj0hwIYK2GQW1lElBdVGYSmKNhNILw/s1600/Drums.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLY4e9_DO6iBjKWCLtdRdxZzEGJxfkGX9KhFuPtUmr8XTgRNUY16RVUttZFx3-X-OfofLTtl4THv6mopPT7A_VTP5sTnse82gkeUgZUGjdQksRLZj0hwIYK2GQW1lElBdVGYSmKNhNILw/s1600/Drums.jpg" width="213" /></a></span></span></div>
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</style><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I recently watched <i>Whiplash</i>, starring Miles Teller (as young jazz drummer Andrew) and J.K. Simmons (as Fletcher), and it occurred to me that Fletcher—a bullying, narcissist, manipulative music instructor—is a straight-up <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mZJ0p5ZXKQ">psychopath.</a> <br /><br />I read a bunch of reviews about the film, and there are plenty of reviewers who believe, as I do, that Fletcher is personality disturbed. But many other reviewers don’t, or don’t see the relevancy to the story. <br /><br /> Well, <i>of course</i> a character’s psychopathy is relevant to the story. We can barely make sense of the story without it. ‘Nuff said about that. <br /><br /> I’m more interested in why some reviewers didn’t recognize Fletcher as a psychopath to begin with, because it reminds me how difficult it can be to see behind the psychopath’s mask in real life. And in real life, we need to see behind the mask, or we risk becoming the prey of these warped shits.</span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b> </b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>What Makes Psychopaths So Hard to Identify?</b><br /><br /> A few things. <br /><br /> First, <b>psychopaths are very good at mimicking normal behavior.</b> No doubt from a very early age, the psychopath recognized he was different from others and began taking pains to hide his differences. (Note: <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201402/the-sociopathic-child-myths-parenting-tips-what-do">Children less than 18 years cannot be diagnosed as psychopathic</a>, as no tool exists for this purpose. However, the true psychopath has been troubled from a very early age, if not from the womb.)<br /><br /> Second, while statistically many of us may know a psychopath, <b>we haven't have enough interaction with him to evaluate or witness his true nature.</b> <br /><br /> Third, <b>most of us have no idea how to identify psychopathic behavior even when we do see it.</b> People who spend significant time studying psychopathy are generally physicians with a particular interest in abnormal psychology, criminologists, sociologists, writers of true crime, fans of true crime, and those who’ve been burned by a psychopath, in which case your curiosity is likely more of an obsession. (I'll let you guess where I fall in this list.)<br /><br /> Fourth, <b>most of us accept people at face value</b> and have something in us that practically renders us incapable of believing bad things about others, especially those closest to us, like our spouses, siblings, parents, friends, neighbors, and coworkers. <br /><br /> Fifth, <b>human beings are biased</b>, and our biases can blind us to unpleasant truths about others, even if the truth is staring us in the face. For instance, we tend to equate intelligence and physical beauty with good moral character, even when we know it’s irrational to do so. </span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">All of these factors can cause us to be vulnerable to the psychopath and especially the corporate (or <a href="http://www.hare.org/links/saturday.html">subclinical</a>) psychopath, because the workplace has its own rules about acceptable and unacceptable behavior that often hinder the detection (and more importantly) dismissal of psychopaths. <br /><b> </b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Oh Fletcher, You Devious Monster, You!</b></span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">(Warning: MAJOR spoilers coming …)<br /><br /> Simmons’ performance is <i>Whiplash</i> is phenomenal. He earned his <a href="http://jksimmons.com/">Oscar</a> and then some, in my opinion.</span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And while a few have criticized the script for its alleged holes (such as not providing the viewer with enough insight into Fletcher’s motivation), again I say, what’s there to understand? The man is a psychopath. How do I know? From the script of course.</span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><b> </b></i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><b>Signs of Fletcher’s Psychopathy</b></i></span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b> </b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Telltale Sign #1. </b>After inviting Andrew (and by the way, Miles Teller is awesome as Andrew) to join the band, Fletcher tells him that practice starts at 6:00 AM sharp. “Don’t be late,” he warns Andrew.</span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Andrew oversleeps, waking up at 6:03, and then rushes to practice—only to be greeted by exactly no one. At first, we think this is Fletcher’s way of making his word his bond. After all, 6:00 AM is 6:00 AM. </span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But then we learn (from a sign posted next to the rehearsal room door), that practice begins at 9:00 AM. Anxious, confused, and desperate to be in the band, Andrew waits. Practice starts promptly at 9:00, and Fletcher never says a word to Andrew about the discrepancy. </span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Why not? Because he’s a flippin’ psychopath, and psychopaths like to mess with people’s heads for fun. By telling Andrew the wrong time and having him sit for three hours without a damn clue (“Did Fletcher leave because I was late? If so, is he coming back? Did Fletcher intend to spend some quality time with me, and I blew it? Did I hear wrong? Was this all some weird game?”) Fletcher exercises his dominance right off the bat. Sicko.</span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b> </b></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Telltale Sign #2.</b> During a break in practice, Fletcher casually asks Andrew about his mom and dad. Andrew tells Fletcher that Dad is a writer and then corrects himself—well, he’s really an English teacher—and Mom left when Andrew was a baby. </span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Later (but not much later), Fletcher openly, loudly, and cruelly berates Andrew for not keeping time, and then takes the whole thing up a notch (which hardly seems possible, but he does it) by taunting Andrew about his Dad's "failed" writing career, which caused Mom to leave, because who wants a loser? (And let’s just forget that by Fletcher’s own logic <i>he’s</i> a failed musician. Doesn’t matter. Psychopaths are skilled at making the illogical sound logical—at least at the time.)</span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Unfortunately, psychopaths are also skilled at taking small bits of your personal history and twisting them into something ugly and shameful and then throwing the whole stinking mess in your face when you’re feeling vulnerable. For kicks. Folks, this is not normal behavior. If someone ever does this to you. Stop and think. Please. </span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">(By the way, this is why you should never tell your psychopathic coworker ANYTHING, no matter how benign, about your personal life. If at all possible, he or she will find a way to hurt you with the information, trust me.)</span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b> </b></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Telltale Sign #3.</b> Fletcher’s upset about something, but we don’t know what. Later, a teary-eyed Fletcher tells the class he’s just learned a prized former student died in a car accident. </span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But, surprise! Fletcher is only telling part of the truth. The student, we later learn, hanged himself.</span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Now ladies and gents, who the hell lies about something like that? Through tears? A psychopath, that’s who. Psychopaths are masters of half-truths and outright untruths, and they lie about crazy crap, all while feigning sincerity. </span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">We’ll later learn the former student's parents blame Fletcher for driving their son to depression and suicide, but even that’s no explanation for Fletcher’s lie. </span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">You say, well, Fletcher felt guilty so he shaded the truth. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Really? Would a normal person shade the truth at a time like this and in that manner? I don’t think so. A normal person with a case of the guilts <i>might</i> neglect to mention how the student died, but he wouldn’t make up an alternate story to cover the truth. </span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">However, a psychopath would, because a psychopath is (a) twisted and (b) incapable of taking responsibility. And this inability to acknowledge any fault leads the psychopath to extraordinary lengths, such as lying about something most of us would find sacred. </span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b> </b></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Telltale Sign #4. </b>Fletcher loves to divide and conquer. In his quest to screw with Andrew’s head, he plays all the drummers against each other, forcing them to compete in the most dysfunctional of ways, even while manipulating each of them to curry his favor. </span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Again, I gotta hand it to J.K. Simmons. He played his part to perfection. But Damien Chazelle, who wrote the script, deserves his credit, too.</span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Not only does Fletcher abuse, he drives the students to distrust and abuse each other in the foulest of fashions. If this isn’t an accurate portrayal of the psychopathic leader, I don’t know what is. </span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Psychopathic leaders destroy teams. Show me a team characterized by backbiting, backstabbing, tattle telling, gossip, distrust, and fear, and I’ll show you a leader who's either personality disordered or severely character disturbed. </span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b> </b></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Telltale Sign #5.</b> Psychopaths have rigid personalities. They typically don’t learn from mistakes, and no matter how much time passes or what their behavior costs them, they don’t mature emotionally or morally. </span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">So, praise the Lord, Fletcher’s employer finally has enough of him, and Fletcher is “freed up to pursue other opportunities.” </span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Unfortunately, even after everything he’s been through, Andrew doesn’t grasp that Fletcher is evil and initiates contact. </span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">(Bad, bad idea. If Andrew knew what I knew and ran into his former mentor at say, an industry-related panel discussion, when said mentor greeted “Andrew” with a fake smile and a “Hey, look who’s here!” Andrew would have strode right past <strike>that bitch</strike> him with a cold, quick “Hello” and then gone on about his business.)</span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Andrew and Fletcher sit down for a chat, and Fletcher invites Andrew to play in Fletcher’s new band, because the current drummer “isn’t cutting it,” but not before Fletcher begins reminiscing about the past and says he only did what any extraordinary teacher would have done to push his students to excellence. When Andrew asks Fletcher whether there’s a line that shouldn’t be crossed, Fletcher says no. </span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Like a true psychopath, Fletcher manages to turn a vice into a virtue while demonstrating by both word and deed he’s learned nothing from losing his job (not to mention everything that proceeded that event) and that he’s back to his old tricks (i.e., divide and conquer) by playing Andrew against this new, unnamed drummer. Will Andrew see what’s what? Or will he take the bait and subject himself to Fletcher’s abuse one more time?</span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Sigh. What do you think?<br /><br /> (By the way, Miles Teller <a href="http://www.goldderby.com/news/7562/whiplash-miles-teller-drum-entertainment-13579086-story.html">likened <i>Whiplash</i> to a horror movie.</a> I’m not sure I understand, but at this point in the story I was tempted to scream, “Don’t do it Andrew! Don’t listen to Fletcher! It’s a trap!”)</span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b> </b></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Epilogue</b></span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />Hollywood psychopaths generally get what’s coming to them, one way or the other. </span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Real-life corporate psychopaths, however, are usually more fortunate. </span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">However, I don’t advocate spending one’s time fantasizing about heaping coals of revenge on the head of the corporate psycho, although I get it.</span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Instead, I recommend getting the hell out as soon as possible. The only way to get lasting revenge on the corporate psychopath is to live a rich, happy life doing what you enjoy surrounded by the people you respect and love. Psychopaths, who are envious of everyone, hate that.</span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">As for Andrew, some say he got his redemption. Others disagree. I believe he did but at tremendous cost. </span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But that’s the way with psychopaths. Engagement with them almost always comes at a cost. They are takers, abusers, and users. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">That’s why it’s best to stay away if you can.</span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Oh, and one last thing.</span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">If you’ve been the target or victim of a corporate psychopath, don’t let anyone minimize your experiences. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: some people just love to defend the indefensible. I’m not sure what their deal is, but I don’t care and neither should you. You don’t need a medical license to know when someone is behaving badly, and you definitely don’t need a medical license to know when someone is hurting you. You just don’t. </span></span><br />
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10382703244406413369noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855710257340998367.post-88935900147536179662015-03-10T17:01:00.000-04:002015-04-04T13:53:08.757-04:00When Politeness Fails<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-SKuphM2RyRNY2W7NcqnQ5nBdsn5_-cCBP2BhSEg2pGtQswo6Z7O8z578m99tp3jNoHUfvIelViJcn-Ag5-QTttvPyIYJR30mENjfudOYVMOq3Ha7DzOlG1wuN02r2tLZRhASuxKVioo/s1600/human+snake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-SKuphM2RyRNY2W7NcqnQ5nBdsn5_-cCBP2BhSEg2pGtQswo6Z7O8z578m99tp3jNoHUfvIelViJcn-Ag5-QTttvPyIYJR30mENjfudOYVMOq3Ha7DzOlG1wuN02r2tLZRhASuxKVioo/s1600/human+snake.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">It
wouldn’t be entirely off track to conclude we humans are a rude bunch of <a href="http://www.lyricsondemand.com/soundtracks/s/shaftlyrics/themefromshaftlyrics.html">shut your mouths.</a></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Go to any career-related website
or job board, and you’ll read complaint after complaint about rude recruiters
and heartless HR managers. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">And each year, </span></span><a href="http://resources.payscale.com/hr-whitepaper-incivility-and-other-types-of-workplace-aggression.html?_ga=1.1504505.937026292.1386030384"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">incivility in the workplace</span></span></a><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span class="MsoHyperlink">,</span></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"> including workplace bullying, costs employers
millions, if not billions, in increased unscheduled absences, increased use of
medical plans, lost productivity, and lawsuits. It's <a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1855710257340998367" name="OLE_LINK4"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1855710257340998367" name="OLE_LINK3"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK4;"></span></a></span></span><a href="https://hbr.org/2013/01/the-price-of-incivility/ar/1"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK3;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK4;">estimated</span></span></span></span></a><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK4;"></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK3;"></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"> that nearly </span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">98% of employees have experienced bad behavior
at work.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">How ironic then, when politeness
actually contributes to a less civil society.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>When
Nice Isn’t Good</b><o:p></o:p></span></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I like nice. Nice people make the job more pleasant and less
stressful.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Of course, that’s when people
aren't just pretending to be nice. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Because when nice is the thinnest of veneers attached with cheap glue
to the ugliness underneath, nice isn’t very nice at all. More than that,
genuinely decent folks should think long and hard about playing the games these
so-called nice folks demand. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The Nice Narcissist<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I used to work with a manipulative
and devious individual I’ll call Andrea (not her real name). <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">Exhibiting the signs of a </span></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malignant_narcissism"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">malignant narcissist</span></span></a><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">, Andrea was a frequent and practiced liar whose
one mission in life was to get her way<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">—</i>and
she didn’t care who got hurt or what rules she broke in the process. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">While Andrea's true personality was visible to anyone with eyes to see, she wrapped it in a cloak of faux politeness.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Andrea had learned long ago that
if she gave the appearance of decency, no one would challenge her evil acts. And
mostly she was right. In the time I worked with her, it was rare for anyone to
confront Andrea’s bold-faced lies, hypocritical statements, or nasty ways of
using and abusing people. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The Problem with Politeness<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">It’s been said that it takes two
to lie: One to lie and one to listen. Unfortunately, our workplaces are filled to
abundance with those eager to lie and those only too willing to listen. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Most of us listen because it’s
the courteous and socially accepted option. We’re taught that it’s not okay to tell
someone in authority she’s lying, especially at work. In fact, never at work. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">And this is a huge problem,
because liars in the workplace generally aren’t content to spin tall tales for
amusement value alone (although some are sick enough that lying and the sense
of control it brings is pleasurable). <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Instead, these deceivers want us
to use their lies as the foundation for our action. They want us to swallow
their bull and then do something we wouldn’t do if they’d simply leave us the
hell alone. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Other times the objective is to
exercise dominance</span></span></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">—</i><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><i>I will tell you a blatant lie, and I will force you to
acknowledge it as truth</i>.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Either way, it’s a violation of
another’s free will, and it’s wrong. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">It’s also offensive, because
it’s a perversion of social mores created to protect the common good, not
defile it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">A Preferred Way of Relating Is Just
That: A Preference<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">It’s exasperating to what
lengths some folks will go to excuse the bad behaviors of others. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“That’s just the way she is,”
they say. “Nobody’s perfect,” they say. “It’s none of my business,” they say. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">Like I said, exasperating. No
one’s asking for perfection, just don't be a lying </span></span><a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=skeeze"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">skeeze</span></span></a><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">. But if you want to be a lying skeeze, then
leave me out of it, please. Don’t expect me to validate your view of the world,
don’t expect me to participate in your immoral dealings, don’t expect me to
listen to your BS with an enthralled expression on my face—just don’t.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">And as for the “that’s just the
way he/she is” school of thought, well, I think that’s bunk. Even the
personality disordered choose how they will interact with others. In the case
of malignant narcissists, they manipulate, deceive, gossip, lie, backstab, and
betray because it suits their purposes. Just like I’ll tell them to go to hell because it suits my purposes.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">When Narcissism Becomes Normal,
We’re All In Trouble<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Dave Orisson, a pastor who
writes about narcissism without sparing the church, explains it this way
(highlights mine):<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“… a cursory glance at our
culture would be enough to conclude that narcissism is becoming not only
normal, but desirable.</span></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"> </span></o:p></span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Perhaps the qualities of
narcissism—self-promotion, fantasy superiority, need for admiration,
exploitation of others, sense of entitlement, lack of empathy or desire to care
about the feelings of others—are so much a part of the normal lives of young
people that no one especially thinks of them as problematic. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">When even those who are not narcissists
accept narcissistic behavior as normal, the difficulty of dealing with those
who hurt and use others may become insurmountable</b>.”</span></span></span></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></b>
<b style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><span style="font-size: large;">Bucking the Trend</span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">
There are many valid reasons to keep your opinion of your coworkers’ veracity
to yourself, that’s a fact. Still, allowing the </span></span><a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/people-of-the-lie-m-scott-peck/1101914561?ean=9780684848594"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">people of the lie</span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"></span></span></a><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"> to define the world for the rest of us is a very
bad idea.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">Pastor Dave has </span></span><a href="https://graceformyheart.wordpress.com/2015/02/13/the-ultimate-pragmatism/"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;">a better idea:</span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"></span></span></a><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“In relationships, especially,
we can call out the behavior. We still claim to hold positive values in relationships.
So we have the right and responsibility to help others maintain those values.
Narcissism still hurts others, no matter how normal the behavior seems. Hurting
others is still not acceptable. Speak up against abuse and lying and cheating
and compromised values.</span></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"></span></span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">But there’s more. We can smile
more and be more kind. A thousand little acts of kindness to show the world
that narcissism does not rule everyone. Affirm relationships. Tell people that
you value them and are grateful. For so many, the characteristics of narcissism
have been adopted because they are afraid or have been made to feel unimportant.
Thank people. See people, especially those who have been invisible in the past.
Do things narcissists wouldn’t think about doing, especially for the sake of
others.”</span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
</blockquote>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">True kindness is more valuable than fake politeness any day.</span><span style="font-family: Bell MT; font-weight: bold;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10382703244406413369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855710257340998367.post-22542260408688691582015-01-10T20:13:00.001-05:002015-04-04T13:56:29.740-04:00Atlanta Fire Chief Axed for Calling Homosexuality a Sin<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">By most people's standards, Kelvin Cochran isn’t having a good week. <br /> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">This past Tuesday, Atlanta Mayor Kasim Reed announced Cochran had been relieved of his duties as Fire Chief. It seems the Mayor was concerned Cochran's personal beliefs about homosexuality would interfere with his ability to lead a diverse team.<br /><br />The firing followed a 30-day unpaid suspension on which Cochran had been placed after coworkers complained about a religious book he'd written titled, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Who-Told-That-Were-Naked/dp/0985496851">Who Told You That You Were Naked?</a> In the book, which advocates the benefits of living a Christ-centered life, Cochran describes homosexuality and lesbianism as “unclean” and “sexually perverse.”</span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Here’s the actual passage:</span></span><br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Uncleanness—whatever is opposite of purity; including sodomy, homosexuality, lesbianism, pederasty, bestiality, all other forms of sexual perversion.”</span></span></i><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></span></span></blockquote>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /> Cochran claims the Mayor knew Cochran was writing the book and that he’d been given permission to identify himself as a Fire Chief for the city of Atlanta. The Mayor denies that claim. <br /><br />Supporters of the Mayor’s action say the city can’t tolerate discrimination, and Cochran should have known better.</span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Cochran is not without his own supporters, however. One commenter on Amazon.com wrote: </span></span><br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“I bought this book because the author was suspended without pay from his ‘regular’ job for a month just for writing it. I don't even know if I'll read it but harassing authors and psuedo (sic)-banning of books is the quickest way to get me to buy one. Many thanks to His Honor the Mayor of Atlanta for making such a big deal about it and bringing it to my attention.”</span></span></i><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></span></span></blockquote>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">At a press conference this past November announcing Cochran’s suspension, the Mayor said: </span></span><br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>“This is about judgment. This is not about religious freedom. This is not about free speech. Judgment is the basis of the problem.” </i></span></span></blockquote>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And on his <a href="https://www.facebook.com/kasimreed/posts/10152925936289669">Facebook page</a>, the Mayor wrote:</span></span><br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>“I profoundly disagree with and am deeply disturbed by the sentiments expressed in the paperback regarding the LGBT community. I will not tolerate discrimination of any kind within my administration.”</i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></span></span></blockquote>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><b>Discrimination you say?</b></i><br /> I’m confused. My understanding is that discrimination is an act, not a set of beliefs.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Frankly, I think we’ve gone too far. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><b>Not buying it</b></i> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">By all reports, the Mayor did receive a number of complaints about Cochran</span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">’s book, and I can appreciate his unwillingness to take the heat. History has shown that most politicians aren’t interested in suffering one iota of unpopularity on someone else's behalf. <br /><br /> But for the Mayor to vilify Cochran as a bigot—that’s just cold. And cowardly. Cochran had served as the Fire Chief since 2008, and the press hasn’t reported a single charge of discrimination against him. That tells me the Mayor is full of crap. Show some guts, dude, and admit you fired Cochran because his little book is creating too many PR problems for you. Most people wouldn't blame you for that.<br /><br /> I agree that Cochran should have known better (and perhaps he did but took a risk anyway). Homosexuality is a polarizing issue, and the biblical perspective of sexual immorality is not welcome in many circles.<br /><br /> Still, it’s a mistake to fire people just because they have a different moral code. In fact, it borders on preposterous.</span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><b> </b></i></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><b>Ism over here, ism over there, isms, isms everywhere! </b></i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I’ve worked with plenty of people who held all kinds of beliefs I’d consider offensive. <br /> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I’ve worked with people who think woman should stay the hell home. I’ve worked with people who believe black folks are inferior in every way imaginable. I’ve worked with people who think Christians are idiots, and God is a bully (if He even exists). I’ve worked with people who think interracial marriage is icky. I’ve even worked with truly twisted individuals who believe other human beings are nothing but tools to be used for their benefit. Some of these damn people were my bosses.<br /><br /> But since when is it okay to tarnish a person’s reputation while taking away his livelihood because you object to his right to publicly align himself with the Bible's teachings? That’s wrong. We can’t claim to be a nation that values religious freedom and then punish people for actually living those beliefs. <br /><br /> Again, nobody has brought forth a valid claim that Cochran ever illegally discriminated against anyone in his charge. In fact, I’ve yet to read that Cochran ever made a disrespectful, let alone discriminatory, remark to or about his employees. <br /><br /> And yet, the Mayor is saying Cochran’s beliefs made some of his former employees “uncomfortable,” and their discomfort is proof they’re working in a potentially hostile work environment. This is foolishness of the highest order.<br /><br /> In his defense, Cochran stated: </span></span><br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>“I did not single out homosexuality. I simply spoke to sex being created by God for pro-creation and [that] He intended it to be between a man and a woman in holy matrimony—and that any other sex outside of that is sin.”</i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></span></span></blockquote>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /> A commenter on one website asked who Cochran thought he was to call someone else a sinner?<br /><br /> Well, newsflash. Bible-believing Christians think everyone is a sinner in need of redemptive grace. Maybe we should fire ALL the Christians in authority? Clearly none of them can be trusted to treat people fairly, seeing as how they have such a low opinion of the human race. <br /><br /> Lord have mercy.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10382703244406413369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855710257340998367.post-22350225112244896762015-01-01T22:30:00.000-05:002015-01-01T22:30:06.336-05:00Happy New Year!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTzVzkR5Zse7brfvrl4138pr7WkbrWK3SXZrnhfL4uW2YaJDGSGUKY6sL0vccGgnnNV4RmrJL1hFAooODQtArWvkHIh7VYeh55zigg29UmVlK_pK2XEMtUAkTEw-gGgMqpOkm38c84x3I/s1600/happy_year_light_bulbs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTzVzkR5Zse7brfvrl4138pr7WkbrWK3SXZrnhfL4uW2YaJDGSGUKY6sL0vccGgnnNV4RmrJL1hFAooODQtArWvkHIh7VYeh55zigg29UmVlK_pK2XEMtUAkTEw-gGgMqpOkm38c84x3I/s1600/happy_year_light_bulbs.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10382703244406413369noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855710257340998367.post-37731359463380909612014-11-17T22:16:00.000-05:002015-05-16T22:03:46.835-04:0017 Reasons I Can’t Save You from Being Abused by Your Corporate Narcissist<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4S8lHm-qkVYrk3dIjuZR1GwBcB44jKvgMnIVEm8Haowh3irZmhQ9c8zn0pmvc9CrcHRPWiTyupbP1hspZcgr4CgQCl9b74ev9OR-jV7yxWn-f9vXZY5bHBn5_AeeBWeJnHI86hGUK0Lg/s1600/save+me.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4S8lHm-qkVYrk3dIjuZR1GwBcB44jKvgMnIVEm8Haowh3irZmhQ9c8zn0pmvc9CrcHRPWiTyupbP1hspZcgr4CgQCl9b74ev9OR-jV7yxWn-f9vXZY5bHBn5_AeeBWeJnHI86hGUK0Lg/s1600/save+me.jpg" width="265" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">A friend and I were
talking the other day about emotional abuse in the workplace. Both she and I
have witnessed and experienced it, so we know it’s real. However, plenty of people
think we’re both nuts (and drama queens).</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But listen. People are
people, and they haul their crap into the workplace damn near on cue. If you
can believe that someone could emotionally abuse her kids, then you better
believe she’d emotionally abuse her subordinates, or even her boss—if she could
get away with it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Those who emotionally
abuse have quite a few tricks up their sleeves, such as manipulation and other
forms of <a href="http://www.decision-making-confidence.com/mind-control.html">mind control</a>, <a href="http://counsellingresource.com/features/2011/11/08/gaslighting/">gaslighting</a>, deception, lies, “divide and conquer techniques,” bullying, and
even flattery. If you’ve ever worked for an emotional abuser, you might find yourself
confused, frustrated, angry, and depressed. This is a perfectly normal reaction
to a perfectly horrific situation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I’ve found that the
three best cures for the bad feelings that naturally result when the life blood
is being slowly sucked out of you by a human predator are (1) knowledge, (2)
prayer, and (3) distance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But some people, it
seems, don’t want a cure. As they say, “Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Here are the top 17
reasons why you’re doomed to being used by your corporate narcissist. My apologies
in advance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
</div>
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You
believe that “deep down all people are good.”</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You
believe in giving everyone the benefit of the doubt—again and again.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Your
definition of narcissism is limited to “someone who thinks too highly of himself,”
and you’ve never heard the terms <a href="http://www.decision-making-confidence.com/malignant-narcissism.html">"malignant narcissism"</a> or “destructive narcissist.”</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You
think that if someone has attained a position of authority, he must have gotten
there honestly.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You
think wicked people only work at other people’s organizations and truly evil
people are rare.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You
think “labeling” someone is wrong.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You’re
trying to get through the work day with as little drama as possible, and you’re
not interested in hearing anything “negative.”</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You
grew up in a household marked by dysfunction, which has made you tolerant and
vulnerable to bad behavior.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You
don’t believe that God would lead you to a “bad” workplace.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You
don’t need saving. You’re a narcissist and feed off the other narcissists within
your organization.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You’re
ambitious and want to move up the corporate ladder by “any means necessary.”</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Your
narcissist is protected within the organization by bystanders, fans, and those
in high places who have been duped by the narcissist’s persona.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You
believe that people only do bad things because they’re hurting. You’re unconvinced
that <a href="http://counsellingresource.com/features/2008/11/03/aggressive-personalities/">aggressive personalities</a> exist and could be sharing your workspace. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You want nothing more than to “go along to get
along.</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">” </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"> You can’t admit that someone you once thought
of as “good” is actually anything but, because that would mean you’ve been
suckered and that’s unacceptable. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You think you can get along with anyone. You
don’t or won’t recognize that your workplace predator is virtually incapable of
being a true friend. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You
pride yourself on being able to handle anyone. No one takes advantage of you!
You forget these nasty folks are practiced liars and manipulators who probably
spend most of their waking hours thinking of ways to get others to do whatever
it is they want them to do.</span></li>
</ol>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">For your sake, I hope
you never have to come face to face with one of these meanies, because you’re
going to be completely unprepared. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Just don’t say I didn’t
try to warn you.</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10382703244406413369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855710257340998367.post-52860783324361924812014-10-04T16:16:00.000-04:002014-10-04T16:16:00.518-04:00Still Breathing ... <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix_ZJbf9WyUjHmV_mL7a7rr_RJC1rq3gQIl7NOn5upsdtu_NrpObNXt9LDcOTYiM9Z0NmNh0YZaVgZZeW_Wn0FhFw7yRanueP9qnnyw5RhCByTXxcCGZ_JoUaoHfwc8BnmUGlBgEQpeD4/s1600/red_wax_seal_with_thank_you.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix_ZJbf9WyUjHmV_mL7a7rr_RJC1rq3gQIl7NOn5upsdtu_NrpObNXt9LDcOTYiM9Z0NmNh0YZaVgZZeW_Wn0FhFw7yRanueP9qnnyw5RhCByTXxcCGZ_JoUaoHfwc8BnmUGlBgEQpeD4/s1600/red_wax_seal_with_thank_you.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Today I decided to face my fear and check my blog statistics. (Shudder.) </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">After being terribly negligent for the past few weeks, I wouldn't have been surprised to learn that absolutely NO ONE is reading this thing anymore.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Well, I'm happy to report I was wrong! </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">So THIS post is a big old THANK YOU to everyone who's hanging in there with me while I go through an extremely busy period. I appreciate you more than I can say. (And I miss you, too.)</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Stay tuned for a new article coming REAL SOON!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10382703244406413369noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855710257340998367.post-77287289261903081692014-08-10T22:11:00.000-04:002014-08-16T09:13:16.185-04:00Is Your Boss Abusive? Here’s Some Bad Advice For You <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9hED_TRkmPn1_Re0-D_HUZKH1O2VOocz78y1ayIQoPXNx3kjo6xeMy69qlYRAWHtCqy3k9BeD4G4iiZRM1rG9rOLzHIrsleudut6CeDDxgUxNBLD1hUeRNERgfi2kp1ywtTlMk8IKNUo/s1600/devil+boss.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9hED_TRkmPn1_Re0-D_HUZKH1O2VOocz78y1ayIQoPXNx3kjo6xeMy69qlYRAWHtCqy3k9BeD4G4iiZRM1rG9rOLzHIrsleudut6CeDDxgUxNBLD1hUeRNERgfi2kp1ywtTlMk8IKNUo/s1600/devil+boss.jpg" height="237" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Over the years, I’ve read a lot of advice about dealing with abusive bosses. Most of it is disappointing.<br /><br />Why? Well, it seems there’s no end to the number of people who’d prefer to blame the victim and defend the abuser than offer useful information or even comfort to those who’ve been abused.<br /><br />And when it comes to the worst kind of abusive boss—the <a href="http://niklasfenn.com/2012/11/09/my-boss-is-a-narcissist/">narcissistic bully</a>—the advice can be particularly troubling.<br /><br />Here’s <a href="http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2013/07/06/loud-not-proud-five-ways-dealing-with-abusive-bosses-who-shout-you-down.html">one</a> gem:</span><br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“Avoid complaining about the behavior to everyone except the offender … If you lack the courage to speak directly to the boss, find another way to deal with the stress, by talking to and getting support from a partner or close friend who has no ties with the organization.”</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">First, if the people in your HR department have zero power or their heads up their butts (way more common than it should be), talking to a sympathetic coworker is about all the relief you’re going to get, seeing as friends and family members unfamiliar with your work environment are likely to dismiss your legitimate concerns with off-the-mark (though perhaps well-meaning) statements like: </span></div>
<div>
<br />
<div>
<ul><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">
</span></ul>
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">“It’s bad everywhere.”</span></i><br />
<ul><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>
</i></span></ul>
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">“Just give the boss what he wants and forget about it.”</span></i><br />
<ul><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>
</i></span></ul>
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">“It’s only a job.”</span></i><br />
<ul><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>
</i></span></ul>
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">“Maybe you’re being too sensitive.”</span></i><br />
<ul><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>
</i></span></ul>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><i>"No one can abuse you without your consent. Stop being a victim." </i></span><br />
<ul><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">
</span></ul>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">And I guarantee you the more screwed up your work environmen</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">t, the less your friends and family will believe what you tell them. (U</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">nless one of your friends is me, because I’ve seen it all and believe it all. You could tell me your boss has horns and some fangs, and yes, I’d ask you to bring me a picture next time, but in the meantime I'd take your word for it.)</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Second, “If you lack courage?” Okaaaaayyy.<br /><br />The author goes on to state:</span><br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“Much as with leaders, there are few natural born louders [the author’s term for bully leaders]. It can result from a lack of self-awareness combined with others’ unwillingness or inability to confront the louder.”</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">In other words, you have an abusive boss because you’re too much of a punk to call him on his crap. Wow. Evidently this person has never worked at a company with a raging, malignant narcissist. You can confront this person all day long, and it’ll be like talking to a wall, because narcissists simply don’t give a shit. Anything you have to say that flies in the face of the fake persona they've created </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">will be promptly ignored.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br />And confrontation isn’t all it’s cracked up to be either.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.workplacebullying.org/2013/03/29/2013-ip-d/">A 2013 study conducted by the Workplace Bullying Institute</a> found that 68.8 percent of targets confronted the bully, and in 93 percent of cases, the bullying did not stop. Keep in mind that narcissists are particularly dense about others’ concerns and thrive on both positive and negative attention. If a confrontation doesn’t make them more nasty, it might just give them a thrill.<br /><br />Yes, these are some sick, twisted folks.<br /><br />Which is why, when dealing with narcissistic bullies, the opposite advice can be equally unhelpful—the suggestion that you try and elicit the boss’ empathy or make him “understand” his negative effect on you. <br /><br />Well, I’m sorry, but that simply won’t work with a narcissist. The narcissist has no empathy to elicit, and any show of vulnerability or need from you will merely cause him to salivate. A predator’s nature is to target and exploit weakness, period.<br /><br /><b><i>Your narcissist, your god</i></b><br />But the advice I find most offensive and appalling is the kind that implies (if not outright states) that the narcissist has some type of “superpower” to hurt and destroy. <br /><br />To hear these folks tell it, narcissists are omniscient and omnipotent. They see all, know all, and are unable to be stopped, because they have an “uncanny” ability to read people, and they’re charismatic and authoritative, blah, blah, blah. If you have a narcissist boss, then, you must never contradict him, and the first chance you get you should run, run, run!!! <br /><br />Hmmm … <br /><br />Well, let me just say that malignant narcissists (sometimes called “destructive narcissists”) are very bad news, that’s for sure. And, if you discover that you’re working for one, you should indeed make plans to run, run, run. But not like a scared chump. You should run because these slime balls aren’t worth your time and talent. A narcissist will never allow you to shine, and anything you learn on the job will be despite her efforts to sabotage you. So yeah, make plans to get out, but <a href="http://crystalspraggins.blogspot.com/2014/06/more-than-conquerors-whos-afraid-of-big.html">you don't have to be afraid</a> of these bastards. <br /><br />And as for the narcissist’s “uncanny” ability to hurt people … well, if <i>you’d</i> spent your entire life practicing how to manipulate without breaking a sweat, you’d get pretty good at it too. <br /><br />Also, malignant narcissists are shameless, pathological liars, and I mean <i>shameless</i>. So yeah, that gives them an “advantage,” if you will, over decent folk who won’t do anything, say anything, and hurt anyone to feel and look good, but it sure as hell doesn’t make them superhuman. In fact, destructive narcissists are sub-human in my humble opinion. They are empty, dark spirited meanies. <br /><br />Finally, as far as narcissists being charismatic, well, that’s true—to a point. Many found Jim Jones, Hitler, and Warren Jeffs “charismatic,” (defined by <a href="https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&rlz=1C5CHFA_enUS562US564&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=charismatic">Google</a> as “exercising a compelling charm that inspires devotion in others”). <br /><br />But that’s by and large an early impression. Once you get to know narcissists a bit more, the scales will fall from our eyes, and these God-less souls will creep you out and occasionally make the hair on the back of your neck stand to attention. <br /><br />So, there’s nothing to be gained by walking on eggshells around your narcissist boss, in the process giving him permission to violate all your space and emotional boundaries, hoping that by doing so he won’t lash out at you today. Narcissists are foul. They don’t need a good reason to hurt you. They just do it. Allowing him to dominate you won’t help your cause, at least not in the long run. <br /><br />To repeat, narcissists aren’t gods, but they will end up bowing the knee to one, that’s for sure. Remember that.<br /><br /><b><i>The narcissistic “relationship”</i></b><br />In <a href="http://www.today.com/id/45973010/ns/today-money/t/your-bullying-boss-may-be-slowly-killing-you/#.U-eApkgyD79">"Your Bullying Boss May Be Slowly Killing You,"</a> <a href="http://umanitoba.ca/faculties/management/faculty_staff/academic_professors/hershcovis.html">Sandy Hershcovis</a>, a professor of business at University of Manitoba, is quoted as saying, “We don't want to blame the victim, but we recognize this more and more as a relationship [between the bully and the target].”<br /><br />Uh … no. If you’ve been targeted by a nasty workplace bully, you aren’t in some damn relationship. <br /><br />Is the insect trapped in a web in “relationship” with the spider? Is the mouse being tossed about in a “relationship” with the cat? Not buying it. Targets don’t get bullied because they’re doing something to provoke the bully (unless you consider reserving your right to express your own mind “provocation”). Bullies bully because they’re effing bullies. <br /><br />It’s as simple as that and cruel to suggest anything else. <br /><br />Bullies choose their targets for being who they are, whatever they are, and it’s ridiculous to assert that you being you is a good reason for someone to abuse you.<br /><br />Sometimes I can’t help but wonder whether these so-called experts are bullies themselves.<br /><br /><b><i>Speaking of experts ...</i></b><br />And speaking of experts, no I don’t have a single credential to back up my stance. However, I’ve worked with more narcissistic bullies than I care to remember, and I’m a fan of abnormal psychology, so whenever I run into one of these people, I start my research all over again, even while I’m studying these jokers like rats in a lab. And if that’s not good enough for you, I understand. You can call me full of shit and move on. I can live with that.<br /><br />But if you’ve worked or are working with a malignant narcissist, I bet you can see some truth in what I’m saying. I’m 100% sure of that.</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>Is there any good advice out there?</i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I think so. <br /><br />But now listen, it’s <i>all</i> an uphill battle, because disturbed personalities like it like that, our organizations seem to love these folks, the bully has more power than you, and if you’re normal you probably won’t relish the idea of going toe to toe with a nut job.<br /><br />That said, the advice I listed in <a href="http://crystalspraggins.blogspot.com/2014/05/when-your-boss-is-in-love-with-herself.html">a previous article on the topic</a> still stands (and while I’m no expert I repeated this advice from an expert, so there), but here are a few more goodies.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<ul><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">
<li><b>Do not, I repeat, do NOT internalize the malevolent blather of the narcissistic bully.</b> These people would have you believing you’re a piece of poop if they could. When they tear you down, they feel better, so tearing you down is what they do.</li>
<li><b>Bring God into the mix.</b> If you’re a praying person, pray. Don’t be afraid to cry out to God with your anger, frustration, and fear. He can definitely take it, and he’ll bless you for your faithfulness.</li>
<li><b>Count the costs.</b> Standing up to a bully boss, especially one with a personality disorder, requires courage, and you have to know before you start what you’re willing to pay for your principles. If your bully boss has been getting away with crap forever, there’s a good chance you could lose your job by refusing to submit to his or her demands. At the very least, your boss could decide to make your life a living hell, and you need to consider all this before you take your stand. Decide what’s important to you, pick up your cross, and don’t look back.</li>
<li><b>Tap into your anger. </b>Earlier I said that losing your temper is a bad idea, and it is. Unfortunately, the massive sense of entitlement, nonstop lies, and overall shitty attitude of the narcissistic bully does have a way of getting under one’s skin. (And I’m not even going to address what role race can play in all this—Lord have mercy.) However, your righteous anger can help you gain some sense of equilibrium. How bullies hurt others (casually and without justification) is morally wrong and should make everyone mad. David Orrison, a pastor who <a href="https://graceformyheart.wordpress.com/2014/03/21/anger-is-your-friend/">writes about narcissism from a Christian perspective</a>, says “They [narcissists] like using the big dog [anger] to scare others. They think it makes them look strong and it moves others to do what they want. They don’t care about relationships … But you are not like them. Your anger has a purpose and a place. Your anger does not control you. It is simply a tool for you to use and then set aside. You control it. Let it come out when you need it, then take it to the back yard when you don’t.”</li>
<li><b>Know that you have just as much right to be where you are as anyone else.</b> Abusive managers like to make you feel like you don’t belong. Wrong. You belong wherever your maker has placed you. Shame on the narcissistic bully for implying otherwise.</li>
<li><b>Don’t let the bullying take over your life.</b> Being bullied can have a devastating impact on all areas of your life, but you MUST take steps to mitigate the damage. Dr. Maureen Duffy, coauthor of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Mobbing-Recovery-Workplace-Aggression/dp/0199929556/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1407715082&sr=1-4&keywords=maureen+duffy">Overcoming Mobbing: A Recovery Guide for Workplace Aggression and Bullying</a> told me in an interview that she started researching and writing about workplace bullying because patients were coming to her in distress, without a name for their experience, which had nonetheless affected their marriages, their children, and other significant relationships. If you’re being bullied it sucks, but don’t let it take all your joy. Spend time on activities that make you smile, stay in touch with supportive friends (while limiting time with those who aren’t so supportive), pray regularly, eat healthy, get some exercise—in other words, take good care of yourself. This too shall pass.</li>
</span></ul>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">
</span>
<br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You’ll notice that most of the items on this list relate to guarding you</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">r emotional health, and that’s because workplace bullying is mostly a psychological form of abuse. Guarding our minds against the mind games of the narcissistic bully is so important. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br />As I like to say (about the vile bully who once attached herself to me), “You’ve got an apartment in my head, I admit it. But you better sit your ass on the couch, stare at the wall, and not say shit.”<br /><br />And she obeys.</span></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10382703244406413369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855710257340998367.post-58794787764906308822014-06-26T13:09:00.002-04:002015-01-10T20:49:02.401-05:00Sociopaths in Your Workplace<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUDjY87svCEnFLW4uJDxkCLW9R5k5RmKSXm0pe3yWr_w2BJ6L4tGs0BQw1g_dEk1tJamZVOivlVlt947esTMyBlK1l4bCaNxOgDDM8xTJHK5LSuIxtBMTsmdD_mseXjThmjpGBsveVZ6U/s1600/sociopath.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUDjY87svCEnFLW4uJDxkCLW9R5k5RmKSXm0pe3yWr_w2BJ6L4tGs0BQw1g_dEk1tJamZVOivlVlt947esTMyBlK1l4bCaNxOgDDM8xTJHK5LSuIxtBMTsmdD_mseXjThmjpGBsveVZ6U/s1600/sociopath.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yup, they look as normal as this guy.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Last year, I wrote a piece about <a href="http://www.tlnt.com/2013/10/16/think-the-boss-is-crazy-study-says-you-may-very-well-be-right/">psychopathic bosses</a>, and a reader commented:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“I really don't think it helps the HR profession to publish articles about the boss being a crazy psychopath if we want to be taken more seriously by C-Suite executives...”</span></i></blockquote>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Well, as I told this reader, I didn’t write the article in hopes that some mythical member of the C-suite might read it and decide that (waddya know?) HR pros bring value to the organization <i>after all</i>! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Nope.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">
<br />I wrote the article (albeit with a tiny bit of my tongue in my cheek) because the workplace contains many disturbed characters creating havoc on unsuspecting Joes and Janes who haven’t a clue that for some people, sabotage, mind games, backstabbing, lying, and cheating are a way of life. It’s <i>fun</i>. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">To these folks, “winning” (which sometimes means just ruining someone else’s day) is everything. <br /><br />And, because it pisses me off royally that these office meanies get away with their bad behavior, in large part because the rest of us are taught (and believe) that "politeness” and “civility” are required in every social situation, I don’t mind being criticized every now and again for stating the truth</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">—</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">our organizations can be havens for seriously twisted folks who would just as soon use and abuse you and then toss you aside as tell you the time of day.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br />So call me what you will, today I’m going to tell you some of what I’ve learned about protecting yourself from these deme</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">nted individuals. But first, I owe a ton of gratitude to:</span><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">George Simon, PhD, author of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Sheeps-Clothing-Understanding-Dealing-Manipulative/dp/1935166301/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1403750452&sr=1-1&keywords=in+sheeps+clothing+understanding+and+dealing+with+manipulative+people">In Sheep's Clothing</a> and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Character-Disturbance-phenomenon-our-age/dp/1935166336/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1403750528&sr=1-2">Character Disturbance</a>. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Martha Stout, PhD, author of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Sociopath-Next-Door-Martha-Stout/dp/0767915828/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1403750595&sr=1-1&keywords=the+sociopath+next+door">The Sociopath Next Door</a>. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Gordon Shippey, author of “<a href="http://counsellingresource.com/features/2010/12/06/sociopath-survival-skills/">Sociopath Survival Skills: When Your Boss Has No Conscience</a>.” </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Paul Babiak and Robert Hare, author</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">s of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Snakes-Suits-When-Psychopaths-Work/dp/0061147893/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1403782589&sr=1-1&keywords=snakes+in+suits">Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work</a>. </span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">(By the way, <a href="http://www.hare.org/links/saturday.html">here's</a> a really interesting article about Bob Hare's quest to teach the world about psychopathology. </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">At one point, Hare describes how his attempt to implement a treatment plan for psychopaths in a Canadian prison failed because management decided "We don't believe in the badness of people.") Oh, okay.</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">If abnormal psychology is your thing, or if your gut is telling you that someone in your organization is “off,” I highly recommend picking up one, two, or all of these books. And don’t let anyone tell you you’re crazy, either. To quote Dr. Stout:</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">"Whether you want to be or not, you are a constant observer of human behavior, and your unfiltered impressions, though alarming and seemingly outlandish, may well help you out if you let them."</span></i></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>Outward signs of the sociopath</i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Sociopaths have scary inner lives and weird ways of looking at things (such as believing that they’re better than just about everyone and entitled to special treatment), but (a) I’m not a doctor and (b) we can’t read our coworkers’ minds, so I’m not going there. Better to leave that discussion to the real experts </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">who’ve studied these jokers in detail.<br /><br />That said, thoughts (beliefs) do influence behavior, so here are s</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">ome things sociopaths <i>do</i> that show you who they are. <br /><br />Sociopaths:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>Lie all the damn time.</b> Unlike compulsive liars who may lie about really stupid stuff and with no apparent gain, sociopaths lie with a purpose—as a means of impression management or to manipulate. And they do it without showing any outward signs of anxiety. It’s creepy to witness, let me tell you. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>Display covert and overt aggression.</b> As the term implies, “covert” aggression tends to be on the down low, but again, if you follow your gut, you’ll know when someone is really fighting you under the guise of a pleasant, reasonable, and even caring exterior. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>Offer insincere flattery.</b> Being the cynic that I am, I’m always suspicious of unwarranted flattery, it’s true. But sociopaths really do say all kinds of complimentary things for the sole purpose of getting you to feel some kind of way and doing whatever the hell it is they want you to do. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>Try and control everything. </b>You’ll notice this in particular if your boss is the one with the um … problem. The term “monster micromanager” doesn’t do the sociopathic boss justice, but the issue isn’t just detailed instructions and breath on your neck. Sociopaths will go to great lengths to control access to information. (All the better to keep you snowed about their true motives.) </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>Bring chaos and confusion to the scene. </b>My mom used to tell me that the devil is the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33), and I’ve never forgotten it. I’ve found that whenever there’s a bunch of confused crap swirling around someone (angry staff; disjointed processes; and tasks undone, done inconsistently, or done poorly, etc.), there’s a good chance a wicked so-and-so is behind it all. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>Are <a href="http://crystalspraggins.blogspot.com/2014/05/when-your-boss-is-in-love-with-herself.html">narcissistic</a>.</b> As the saying goes, not every narcissist is a sociopath, but every sociopath is a narcissist. How can you spot a narcissist? Everything she does and just about everything she says benefits her or brings attention to her in some way. Ick.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>Display a serious lack of empathy. </b></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Again,
when dealing with a sociopath we can’t know what he’s thinking, but this
individual shows a marked lack of concern for how others are impacted by his
actions. Yes, he might feign a little something, something, but to you it feels
fake. And it is.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>Make shameless ploys for pity. </b>If you find yourself reluctantly feeling sorry for someone you KNOW is actually making OTHER people miserable, something sinister may be in the wind. A common ploy of sociopaths is to elicit sympathy, because sociopaths know that people with normal conscience are made vulnerable when they feel pity.</span>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>What to do?</i></b><br />Most experts agree that the best way to deal with a sociopath is to avoid him like the plague he is.<br /><br />However, if total avoidance isn’t possible, do what you can to keep your distance—both physical and psychological. Don’t argue, don’t get into pointless discussions, and don’t get angry. When necessary, enforce your boundaries in a calm and non-confrontational manner. </span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br />All the authors I referenced earlier offer first-rate advice for handling sociopaths (and other disturbed people), and if you have one of these nasty characters in your life, you’d do well to heed it. <br /><br />Dr. Stout’s book, for example, contains “13 Rules for Dealing with Sociopaths in Everyday Life,” and I think they’re rather excellent. <br /><br />My favorites? Rule 3 “ … Make the Rule of Threes your personal policy” (i.e., if a person lies three times, it’s not a misunderstanding or a “serious mistake”) and Rule 9, which states (among other things), “challenge your need to be polite in absolutely all situations…” Yeah, to heck with that. Offering unmerited politeness is how people get victimized. <br /><br />It’s been my experience that far too many people don’t trust their instincts and are unwilling to call evil behavior what it is. <br /><br />Suit yourself is what I say, but I prefer to live in the real world. At times it sucks, but what's the alternative? <br /><br />Plus, no one ever dodged the nefarious attentions of a sociopath by pretending cruel and wicked people don’t exist. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Good luck with that.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>The good news</i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I've had my workplace peace disturbed more than once by someone who exhibited all the behaviors on the list, and I know firsthand that it's a lot to deal with it and at times can be very stressful. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">However, I do believe there are things we can do to protect ourselves from these predators. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">First, don't be afraid to call a spade a spade. You don't have to confront the individual, just know that he means no good for you. Second, don't be afraid<i> </i>to act on that knowledge. Lots of times we <i>voluntarily</i> give our power to those who would hurt us. Don't do that.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I also believe in a God of justice who sees all and will judge all. The God about whom Solomon wrote (Proverbs 6:16-19):</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him:</i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>haughty eyes</i></span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>a lying tongue</i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>hands that shed innocent blood</i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>a heart the devises wicked schemes</i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>feet that are quick to rush into evil</i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>a false witness who pours out lies</i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>and a person who stirs up conflict in the community</i></span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">'Nuff said.</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10382703244406413369noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855710257340998367.post-75402610263784639522014-06-05T06:24:00.001-04:002014-06-05T06:25:57.211-04:00More Than Conquerors: Who's Afraid of the Big, Bully Boss? Not You!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEickSK8K8yESDQ4fpTt1irS0tGxEZ-sTsMN54KlF-hagb1HveufXpt2cPVaBWP5t-VfRPmvHxKF54u4I4h1xzIaYBwCD9QnRH6oIBZFSXGXYgInSDogf18BBcOlvz1ggz1838LgEtTqBZg/s1600/spartan_with_sword.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEickSK8K8yESDQ4fpTt1irS0tGxEZ-sTsMN54KlF-hagb1HveufXpt2cPVaBWP5t-VfRPmvHxKF54u4I4h1xzIaYBwCD9QnRH6oIBZFSXGXYgInSDogf18BBcOlvz1ggz1838LgEtTqBZg/s1600/spartan_with_sword.jpg" height="320" width="268" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So, for a variety of
reasons, I’ve been thinking a lot about fear, and particularly about the role fear
plays in the workplace.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">For you see, your
typical workplace is simply chock full of fearful folks at all levels and
within all types of positions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Fear of:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Being
found out;</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://crystalspraggins.blogspot.com/2014/03/when-saving-face-leads-to-poor-decision.html">Losing face</a>;</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Losing
power/position;</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Being
ostracized;</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Losing
the ability to provide for oneself and/or one’s family;</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Losing
approval</span></li>
</ul>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">And probably some stuff
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">And it’s too bad.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Questioning;</span></li>
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<!--EndFragment--><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">… even, reaching out to
other good people, if only to provide comfort or validation.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Well, the whole thing
makes me angry, I won’t lie.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">And so, while I don’t
normally (on this blog anyway) mix my faith in Jesus and my views about work, today
I will.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Today, I’d like to
remind every Christian toiling in a crappy workplace that 2 Timothy 1:7 says, “for
God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and
self-control.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://biblehub.com/commentaries/2_timothy/1-7.htm">One</a>
commentary on this scripture says that “It is a grave reminder to Christians of
every age and degree that all cowardice, all dread of danger, all shrinking
from doing one’s duty for fear of man’s displeasure, proceeds <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> from the Spirit of God.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So be encouraged. If
you’re a Christian, and you’re (for example) suffering under a <a href="http://crystalspraggins.blogspot.com/2014/05/when-your-boss-is-in-love-with-herself.html">self-loving</a> boss who uses intimidation, confusion, and fear to advance her
dirty work, there’s no reason for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">you</i>
to fear (even if you’ve been caught in the cross hairs). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Your boss is the one who
should be quaking in her boots, if only she had a clue about whom she’s pitted
herself against. (That would be God, not you—just wanted to make that clear.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">And let’s face it. If
you, as a Christian, are as fearful as the unbelievers<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i>in your midst, then what good is your faith? I’m just asking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Listen, I know it’s hard.
Fear is a very powerful emotion. That’s why it works so well as an intimidation
tactic. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But what did Mathew say?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">He said, “Do not be
afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid
of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.” (Matthew 10:28)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So again, please be encouraged.
God truly is a God of justice. And like Paul said (Romans 8: 31): “What then shall we say
to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Not your nasty boss,
that’s for sure.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Bell MT";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10382703244406413369noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855710257340998367.post-8619853326815756092014-05-24T17:25:00.000-04:002015-06-17T20:30:28.748-04:00When Your Boss Is in Love with Herself<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEismjwN8dDOaqjN3yE2ny_Y6DZ1u-lYtUgkNh0smOezUdI5Hi63JsNZFcqRMAcl3iMd8dF4fe_jjfFz1EPzU-J7mlqbajj9uSrVvYethrMnQ_SM3GQ8E3La-p_y1Jd4FLwvMWaSb_wEnjQ/s1600/I+love+me.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEismjwN8dDOaqjN3yE2ny_Y6DZ1u-lYtUgkNh0smOezUdI5Hi63JsNZFcqRMAcl3iMd8dF4fe_jjfFz1EPzU-J7mlqbajj9uSrVvYethrMnQ_SM3GQ8E3La-p_y1Jd4FLwvMWaSb_wEnjQ/s1600/I+love+me.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Quick—what kind of boss
insists that everyone like her?</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Here's a hint. Maybe she's also the kind
that:</span></div>
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</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Thinks entirely too
highly of herself and her abilities.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Thinks entirely too
poorly of others and their abilities.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Feels entitled to encroach
on others’ boundaries in the most casual yet persistent of ways.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Lies almost as often as
she blinks.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Uses both <a href="http://www.manipulative-people.com/aggression-and-covert-aggression/">covert
and overt aggression</a> to control others.</span></li>
</ul>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">OMG. </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Who <i>is</i> </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">this beast??</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">She’s your typical
corporate narcissist, that’s who! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">(If you guessed
correctly, I’m afraid I don’t have a prize for you, despite that fact that I
know you really, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really</i> could use
one, if you work for or around this person. I’m sorry.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">George Simon, PhD, <a href="http://crystalspraggins.blogspot.com/2012/12/best-reads-in-2012.html">whom
I’ve mentioned more than once on this blog,</a> has published some of the <a href="http://www.manipulative-people.com/dealing-with-a-narcissistic-boss-or-co-worker/">best
advice about narcissism and the narcissistic boss</a> I’ve ever read. I'll be referring to his work throughout this post.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What’s a </i></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #333333;">Narcissistic
Personality Disorder</span></i></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">?<o:p></o:p></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Here’s the definition
from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder">Psychology
Today</a> </i>(pay special attention to the sections in bold):<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i></span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">"Narcissistic Personality Disorder involves arrogant behavior, a lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration—all of which must be consistently evident at work and in relationships. People who are narcissistic are frequently described as cocky, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding. Narcissists may concentrate on unlikely personal outcomes (e.g., fame) and may be convinced that they deserve special treatment ...<br /> <br /> Narcissists tend to have high self-esteem. However, narcissism is not the same thing as self-esteem; people who have high self-esteem are often humble, whereas narcissists rarely are. <b>It was once thought that narcissists have high self-esteem on the surface, but deep down they are insecure. However, the latest evidence indicates that narcissists are actually secure or grandiose at both levels</b>. Onlookers may infer that insecurity is there because narcissists tend to be defensive when their self-esteem is threatened (e.g., being ridiculed). <b>Narcissists can be aggressive</b><u> </u>..."</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Now why did I highlight those sections? Because that “old school” thinking about narcissists being
scared little kiddies under their abrasive exteriors could make you vulnerable
to their manipulation and get in the way of you taking care of yourself until
it’s too late.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So forget that BS.
Narcissists are dangerous, and you better approach one knowing it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The Narcissistic Boss <o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">A narcissistic coworker
(especially one with some sway) can be very difficult to work with. A
narcissistic boss can make work a living hell. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Narcissistic bosses hog the limelight,
don’t enjoy the sound of anyone’s voice as much as their own, clamp down on the
free flow of information, blather on about themselves and their opinions all
damn day long, always have to be right, can’t take any criticism, and engage in
endless manipulation tactics, including never-ending rounds of impression
management. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Horrible.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">In a sense, we have no
one but ourselves to blame, because narcissists have a way of charming us with
their stories and their confidence, which is why so many narcissists are
responsible for directing the work of others, God help us all.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But aside from the fact
that narcissists—with their outright lies, fake protests of innocence, and
ridiculous sense of entitlement—can make you want to slap the shit out of them,
they can be terribly incompetent leaders, too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">A 2011 study by <span style="color: black;"><a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0956797611417259">Nevicka et al</a>, and
published in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Psychological Science</i>,
found that narcissistic </span>leaders
“reduced information sharing among groups, which led to worse group performance."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But wait. These guys are
so good at impression management, researchers also found that group perception
was that the narcissists were doing a bang-up job. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Nevicka et al postulate
that this perception likely changes over time, with team members becoming less
and less enamored of the narcissist as his or her true nature is revealed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">(And it will be, because
narcissists are obnoxious and can’t hide that fact forever. I know one
narcissist, for example, who is disliked by just about everyone he works with.
When I reported to him, people would regularly—without my prompting—express
both their sympathies and their disdain. Still, he thought he was loved by all.
Jerk.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">How Can You Survive Your Narcissist
Boss?<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">In this case (as in so
many others) knowledge is power. Read everything you can about these unsavory
characters and the mind games they like to play. Then, <i>believe what you read</i>.
Narcissists are very skilled at tugging at the conscience of those with better
character. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">For example, if your
self-loving boss cavalierly suggests you engage in <a href="http://www.tlnt.com/2014/04/17/what-do-you-do-when-your-boss-is-unethical/">unethical
behavior</a> and you bristle, she’ll do her damndest to make you think what’s
she’s asking is completely above board, and then she’ll pout and act
outraged/deeply offended/confused as all get out that you could believe
anything else. Don’t fall for that shit. Instead, stand your ground. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Here are some other ways to handle your narcissistic boss (courtesy of Dr. Simon):</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>Know the narcissist’s tricks</b> (see above).</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>Stand up for your needs</b>. As Dr. Simon rightly points out, your boss sure
as hell ain’t gonna do that. Don’t be scared, speak your piece.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>Set boundaries and limits</b>. Narcissists will stomp all over your rights if
you let them, and even when you call them out and they say they’ll never do it
again, you can’t count on it. Instead, you’ll have to keep reminding them of
what you will and won’t accept, because these folks are mighty hard headed. And
while you might find the prospect of all this vigilance unattractive, the
alternative is worse.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>Be practical</b>. Dr. Simon reminds us that narcissists have their needs, and it’s
no good pretending otherwise. Do what you can (within your boundaries) to help the narcissist meet her legitimate business needs. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>Develop as many other opportunities as possible</b>. Keep your skills and your contacts current,
because your ultimate goal should be to get the hell out of Dodge as soon as
the time is right.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>Don’t take it personally</b>. At times it’s going to feel real personal, but
the narcissist is all about <i>her</i>. You
(and everyone else for that matter) are an object to be used. Therefore, there's no reason for you
to think her bad behavior has a damn thing to do with you.</span></li>
</ul>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I’ll add one other thing to the list: take LOTS of notes, especially if your boss is severely challenged in the ethics department. You’ll want that info to cover your butt and to give to the authorities if necessary. (I’m dead serious, here.) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Also, if your boss is not only a vile human being but in violation of federal, state, or local discrimination laws, you’ll want the goods to nab him (or at least negotiate a good severance). And, that reminds me, do not hesitate to consult with an attorney (or two) if you believe the situation warrants.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">According to <a href="http://www.spring.org.uk/2013/08/4-qualities-of-truly-horrible-managers.php">one
article,</a> research indicates that “most horrible managers have a personality
disorder.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Wow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Like I said, knowledge
is power.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10382703244406413369noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855710257340998367.post-43923916020701768142014-04-26T18:40:00.000-04:002015-06-27T18:14:19.421-04:00L.A. Clippers Owner Donald Sterling Says He “Loves the Black People,” But I Wouldn't Want Him For MY Boss<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWHdF303ooVe818fJQUfZehayODVoZSazlbV17GN-iWM__gKaF19Spww_B3Be5H-_Cq6vp-lt78GopgqhtexsIlmV_cf2Ik9WHaKjVsteWUZZswDLD7tOBBmJQMlWsbcrQE6WObuvYtXA/s1600/donald-sterling.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWHdF303ooVe818fJQUfZehayODVoZSazlbV17GN-iWM__gKaF19Spww_B3Be5H-_Cq6vp-lt78GopgqhtexsIlmV_cf2Ik9WHaKjVsteWUZZswDLD7tOBBmJQMlWsbcrQE6WObuvYtXA/s1600/donald-sterling.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Holy cow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I just finished
listening to the audiotape (okay, “alleged” audiotape) of L.A. Clippers owner
Donald Sterling and his girlfriend, V. Stiviano, discussing race relations. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Sterling took offense that Stiviano, who is half black and half Mexican, posted pictures of herself and Magic Johnson on Instagram. <br /><br />According to Sterling, posting the photo was evidence of Stiviano’s disrespect for Sterling, because the photo broadcaste</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">d to the world that Sterling is hanging out with a half-black chick (as though </span><i style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large;">that </i><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">scenario is anything new) and apparently Sterling’s friends/buddies/business acquaintance/beats me wouldn’t like that idea.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Sterling tells Stiviano
that it “bothers me a lot” that “you’re associating with black people.” </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">In a plaintive tone he then asks Stiviano, “Do you have to?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Later Sterling tells
Stiviano she’s supposed to be “a delicate white or a delicate Latina
girl.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>Hmmm …</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">When Stiviano corrects Sterling by telling him she’s “mixed,” he responds in a matter-of-fact tone, “OK. Well.” (I swear I <i>almost </i>heard Sterling mumble, “If you want to confuse the issue with the <i>facts</i>, then sure. Whatever you say.")</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Stiviano asks whether
Sterling wants her to hate black people, and he accuses her of “turning things
around” and responds that no, he doesn’t want her to hate them, he wants
her to love them—“privately.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I gotta say, up to this
point Stiviano was giving Sterling a run for his money, asking good, clarifying questions and arguing her position assertively but calmly (and yes, I'm assuming she knew she was being taped, but still …). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But then Sterling
asks Stiviano why she needs to bring black people to “his” games, and Stiviano
asks incredulously:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“Why bring the black people to the games? … I …” (silence).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">For the first time, girlfriend
appears to be at a loss for words. (Not that I blame her.) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But she gets it together
again and tells Sterling "I'm sorry that you're still racist in your heart." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Poor Sterling sounds
crushed. In a defeated tone, he tells Stiviano: </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“OK, we’ve got a big problem here. I really don’t feel like going anywhere. I don’t feel like going to Europe, I don’t feel like just going through the whole thing. We’ve got a BIG problem.”</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I’ll say.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Let me see if I
understand this?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Sterling wants his
half-black girlfriend to pass for a “delicate” white or Latina girl, ‘cause
that’s hip, and here she is parading around with black folks, totally blowing
her cover and his reputation. What a nerve. No more European vacations for you, girl! This here rips it. </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">(After all, we KNOW that dignified whites and fragile Latinas would never be caught dead in a photo with the likes of that riffraff Magic Johnson.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I don’t want to give the
whole thing away, because each line (allegedly) out of Sterling's mouth is more incredulous than the last, and you owe it to yourself to hear <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2014/04/26/donald-sterling-clippers-owner-black-people-racist-audio-magic-johnson/?ncid=webmail2">the
conversation</a> with your own ears. </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">It’s a somewhat shocking peek into at least one white man’s view of race in the USA—a man who apparently believes
it makes perfect sense to tell his biracial girlfriend she needs to stop
publicly associating with black folks even while he whines about how he
“loves the black people.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. (Although to be honest, I <i>did</i> laugh out loud at some parts of the tape.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But two things about
this aren’t funny <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">at all</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">One is the idea that
Sterling could be somebody’s boss, landlord, teacher, physician, lawyer,
neighbor, or judge. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Two is the way Sterling
attempts to hijack the conversation and manipulate Stiviano into believing
she’s not accurately comprehending what he's saying.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">For example, when
Stiviano asks whether it would be okay if the people in her Instagram photos
were white, Sterling replies, “You’re just a big fighter. I can see – who would
want to live with a woman like you?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Wow. On behalf of women the world over—just ... wow.<br /><br />At least have the gumption to own your junk, Sterling, instead of flipping the conversation and blaming your girlfriend’s so called pugnacious nature (and not your hideous opinions) for
the conflict</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> you suddenly find yourself embroiled in.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But then again, Sterling
honestly seems to believe that his views aren’t controversial, merely pragmatic. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But you tell me—if you
were a person of color, would you want Sterling as your boss (or in any other position
of power over you)? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">(For the record, I
believe I’ve already <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">had</i> Sterling as
a boss. And while I survived the ordeal, my answer to the above question is
still hell no.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The story is hot off the
press, and as I write, no representative from Sterling’s camp has come
forward to either deny or confirm that Sterling is speaking on the tape or to claim that yes, that is Sterling's voice, but his comments were distorted through editing. The NBA is
reported <a href="http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nba/clippers/2014/04/26/donald-sterling-clippers-audio-recording-racist/8202135/">to
be investigating the matter.</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The black community
isn’t waiting for an investigation, however, and the Internet is filling u</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">p with various and sundry responses from high-profile members like Magic Johnson, <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2014/04/26/snoop-dogg-blasts-donald-sterling/">Snoop Dog</a>, and of course, <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2014/04/26/al-sharpton-investigation-donald-sterling-clippers/">Al Sharpton.</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Holy cow. (Did I say that already?)</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10382703244406413369noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855710257340998367.post-14557818590901234862014-04-20T15:30:00.001-04:002014-04-20T15:35:23.032-04:00Happy Easter!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBXar_AOvKJmQqWDCC9CfxyljHznddd4EOvLy2ALMvCwbnWD5-qjTXT87ybuhyphenhyphenK3lWH7V_pWOx7bPDu5UDWmjWDJ2KqwW31_QrDDWwtvIJM8WVnJtK6aztJyhDpi6kYS5iwynj4jW8T34/s1600/1091_chicken_and_eggs_in_basket.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBXar_AOvKJmQqWDCC9CfxyljHznddd4EOvLy2ALMvCwbnWD5-qjTXT87ybuhyphenhyphenK3lWH7V_pWOx7bPDu5UDWmjWDJ2KqwW31_QrDDWwtvIJM8WVnJtK6aztJyhDpi6kYS5iwynj4jW8T34/s1600/1091_chicken_and_eggs_in_basket.jpg" height="640" width="474" /></a></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10382703244406413369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855710257340998367.post-27279250071549084532014-04-06T10:49:00.002-04:002015-05-10T10:14:21.764-04:00Moment of Truth: Your Boss Doesn’t Care About Your Kid Problems <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlZEe7n-_bbDv_3HX0AOgjFDoMnQXzWlDOcDG_-S3t9cyHohN4ggazcUGxPKIYGAg1ykwuH-PpJZz5Yl5W9fc3fsH_Wm6NnuvZZ-6a_GqimAtEKR224HPoQjVf99AwikaGGFl4IdMKc8o/s1600/070120a0248.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlZEe7n-_bbDv_3HX0AOgjFDoMnQXzWlDOcDG_-S3t9cyHohN4ggazcUGxPKIYGAg1ykwuH-PpJZz5Yl5W9fc3fsH_Wm6NnuvZZ-6a_GqimAtEKR224HPoQjVf99AwikaGGFl4IdMKc8o/s320/070120a0248.jpg" width="212" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">We are, by and large, a
nation of liars. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">We tell big lies and
small lies, and we lie for reasons both noble and depraved.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Mostly we lie to protect
others or to protect ourselves <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">from</i>
others—from their judgment, their interference, or their potential to hurt us
if they knew the truth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I’m fascinated by the
lies people tell and thoroughly disheartened by how difficult it can be to tell
the truth without risking privacy, employment status, or relationship. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">One of the biggest lies we
as a society like to tell ourselves is that we care about children, when we
mostly don’t.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Our public school system
is a mess, and we couldn’t give a fig whether <a href="http://crystalspraggins.blogspot.com/2013/10/mcdonalds-worker-tells-ceo-she-cant.html">working
folks with children can earn enough to consistently put food on the table</a>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So yes. We may care about our own children. But we really don't care about <i>anyone else's</i>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But we like to pretend we do. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">At work, this fiction has
major impact. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">For example, consider
how quickly a job applicant would be eliminated from<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>consideration if, in response to that
standard question—“Why do you want to work for ABC Company?”—she responded that
she needs money to provide for her family, which is her first priority. (A
truer answer than most others, I’d bet.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Then think about how
often you’re asked ("encouraged," “provided with opportunity,” or whatever you
want to call it) to sacrifice personal time with your family to advance
company goals and how well you’ll be regarded if your consistent response is "No
thanks."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">It’s common knowledge
that <a href="http://www.tlnt.com/2014/04/02/more-states-bump-up-workplace-protections-for-pregnant-women/">pregnant
women still face discrimination at work</a>, as do women in general, simply because
they either have children or have the potential to bear children—even though we
all just love children!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">And I'm reminded of something
my mother once said to me: If a man really loves his children, he’ll respect
his children’s mother.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">A related truism? If we
as a society really love children, we’ll respect their parents’ need to provide
for those children.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But we don’t. Not really. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">And our lie about this instigates
other lies at work—lies we tell to protect our time with family and especially,
the little ones (and maybe even a few not-so-little ones) who depend on us. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">These
lies are designed to keep our employers in the dark about how much our families
mean to us, because if we’re too honest we’re bound to get labeled as not serious
about work, lacking in commitment to the job, or some other nonsense. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I’ve already gone <a href="http://crystalspraggins.blogspot.com/2013/09/work-life-balanceit-doesnt-exist-okay.html">on
record</a> as stating that work-life balance doesn’t exist. My attitude is that
sometimes work must take priority, and sometimes home and family must take
priority.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But even that attitude
isn’t good enough for some employers, who won’t view you as the best of the
best unless you express a willingness to make work a priority all the time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Ironically, whether you
actually <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">do</i> consistently make work a
priority is beside the point. Your employer is only interested in hearing the lie.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Because we are, by and
large, a nation of liars. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But we don’t have to be.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So, if you’re a manager,
I sure hope you do what you can to ensure your employees never feel compelled
to lie about their priorities to make you feel good about the job they’re
performing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">And if you’re NOT a
manager, I hope you can find the balance you need to feel good about your
performance as an employee <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and</i> as a parent—without having to tell even a little lie to do it.</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10382703244406413369noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855710257340998367.post-49966390189222301302014-03-23T11:55:00.000-04:002014-04-09T17:36:17.409-04:00When Saving Face Leads to Poor Decision Making and Poor Leadership<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1cUH4WE0WGlFCF5y1yLj-GGLjVAdiQsxxWWqN2Ie1y30BRG4u7tbUYcAus879Obk5H7snLkoR_m3aZcoOcTJ0Xk9gqyUSMe1TgbS1qEcnmcYNRJaJGCthrduZW-Zhjc9-POBTkuA4bUc/s1600/stock_5479.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1cUH4WE0WGlFCF5y1yLj-GGLjVAdiQsxxWWqN2Ie1y30BRG4u7tbUYcAus879Obk5H7snLkoR_m3aZcoOcTJ0Xk9gqyUSMe1TgbS1qEcnmcYNRJaJGCthrduZW-Zhjc9-POBTkuA4bUc/s1600/stock_5479.jpg" height="271" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.china-mike.com/chinese-culture/understanding-chinese-mind/cult-of-face/">The
importance of saving face</a> in <a href="http://goasia.about.com/od/Customs-and-Traditions/a/Saving-Face.htm">Asian
cultures</a> has been well documented, and Americans planning to work in Asia often are advised to get familiar with the concept. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But come on. American workers are
okay with saving face, too. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">A trusted boss early in my career taught me the truth of this, and I’ve been grateful ever since. Leaving
people an out is many times the right, wise, and humane thing to do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Take the day I received
an angry email message from a senior manager (who’d copied his manager) that he
hadn’t gotten his bonus pay, so where was it? He KNEW his manager had forwarded
the paperwork to payroll!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I could have been
tempted to correct this manager that he certainly <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">had</i> received his bonus, because I’d processed the entry and put the
pay statement in the mail myself—but no. Instead I asked a question, because
hey, stuff happens, even to assholes:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“Hi ______.<br /><br /> When you say you haven’t received your bonus, are you saying the money hasn’t been deposited into your account, or are you saying you haven’t received the paper statement? If the former, I’ll double check with your bank, because this week I processed and verified the payroll myself, and your bonus was included. If the latter, please know that I mailed the statement yesterday, and it may take a few days to reach your home.”</span></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Now, let’s think about
this for a moment. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Clearly, the employee
wasn’t complaining that he’d received the money but no statement yet, because
who the hell would care about that? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So, I already knew there
was a good chance this person (a nasty <a href="http://crystalspraggins.blogspot.com/2013/03/how-to-know-youre-being-bullied-at-work.html">bully</a>
who seemed to relish embarrassing people in public) hadn’t checked his damn
bank balance, but I saw no reason to embarrass <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">him</i> by pointing that out or by stating the obvious—no paper
statement in the mail is not the same thing as no money in the bank.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Well, waddaya know? After
getting my response, the employee admitted he hadn’t reviewed his balance
before shooting off his <s>mouth</s> email message, and after that initial
admission, I never heard from him again (on this particular matter, that is).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But that’s okay. Another
fire put out quick, fast, and in a hurry. That’s all I care about. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Giving this employee the
benefit of the doubt—and an out—rather than getting defensive or God forbid, advising
him to check his account before making assumptions followed by accusations about
who hasn’t done what, would have had no effect but to prolong an unpleasant
interaction. No thanks.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Allowing people to save
face has its benefits for sure.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But saving face has its
dark side, too. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i><b>Decisions, decisions!</b></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Because when someone
cares a little too much about saving his own face, decision making becomes
clouded. In the worst case scenario, it becomes irrevocably compromised.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">In “<a href="http://www.vital.co.kr/harvard/hmmplus/hmm11_kr_quickpath/decision_making/base/resources/WhyGoodLeadersMakeBadDecisions.pdf">Why
Good Leaders Make Bad Decisions</a>,”<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i>authors
Campbell, Whitehead, and Finkelstein present research indicating that even good
leaders can make abysmal decisions in the presence of three “red flag conditions.”
Topping the list? “Inappropriate self-interest.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">(The others are
“distorting attachments” and “misleading memories,” and those are fascinating
to talk about as well, but I’m going to focus on the self-interest piece today.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Campbell et al first
published their research in 2009. I think it’s more relevant today than ever. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Why? Because we’re
fielding more data than ever, and that means we have more stuff to sift through
when making decisions. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">In other words, decision
making is getting more and more complicated.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">And when things get
complicated, people get stressed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">And when people get
stressed, sometimes they begin to focus on themselves and their stress (even if
unconsciously) and what certain outcomes would mean for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">them</i>, personally—rather than the department, division, or
organization as a whole—and that’s when “inappropriate self-interest” and the desire
to save face rears its big old ugly head.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I’ll be honest. I’m as
versed in <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=CYA-ishness">CYA</a>
as the next worker, but I don’t have a whole lot of patience (and hardly any
respect) for a leader who’d rather protect her self-image than solve a flippin’
problem.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">It’s counter-productive,
and it’s cowardly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>Don't be a sissy!</i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So, sure… when the price
is low and the benefit is high, do what you can to help someone else save face.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But when the cost is
high (say, a boatload of money or someone else’s conscious), saving face is for
the damn birds. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Grow a pair, already.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">‘Nuff said. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10382703244406413369noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855710257340998367.post-76812359652442138422014-03-08T20:14:00.000-05:002014-03-08T20:26:20.208-05:00What a Brand New Employee Needs from You Most<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkakiMOEK10cnEm9Lw064YFlI-ZVFpTmBw3uASnTLjV1eoz1w-oB6ctjWcwj0Q5jjxDNp_2c-se4XyOFlT1cq89wegEyYrqSjQGQcb74YSsPtX6wFHmHjcjD6pkaWzfwgM3Hxh66y2C6s/s1600/red_trust_word_destruction.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkakiMOEK10cnEm9Lw064YFlI-ZVFpTmBw3uASnTLjV1eoz1w-oB6ctjWcwj0Q5jjxDNp_2c-se4XyOFlT1cq89wegEyYrqSjQGQcb74YSsPtX6wFHmHjcjD6pkaWzfwgM3Hxh66y2C6s/s1600/red_trust_word_destruction.jpg" height="183" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I’ll tell anyone who
asks that I’m a proud cynic.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The definition of “cynic”
varies slightly from dictionary to dictionary, but most say something along the
lines of “distrustful or scornful of others’ motives,” and I think that’s a little
harsh. I prefer to define my worldview as a pragmatic recognition that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">most</i> people will <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">most </i>of the time behave so as to further their self-interests. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">And I don’t consider pursuit
of self-interest terribly shocking or awful, either, because for most of us
pursuing what we want is not incompatible with living peaceably with others.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Frankly, I think the
world could use a few more good cynics. At least then email messages like the following would produce fewer victims. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">(This appeared in my inbox today, and I left ALL the typos in
for authenticity.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">HELLO BENEFICIARY,<br /><br />Congratulation,You have won yourself Us$1,500,000.00 from our database for using western union money transfer. I?m very glade in informing today that all necessary arrangement in effecting the payment to you as it have been programmed $4,000.00,USD in your payment file.All you need to do now:<br />Reconfirm your information to enable us make change of the RECEIVER'S NAME to your name,so you can be able to pick it up now.<br />Your Name:===========<br />Your Country:========<br />Your Tel:============<br />However: this is to inform you that we have been carrying on your payment as to enable us make sure that the payment have be complete before the year will come at the end.<br />Your first payment of $4,000.00, USD is already been Programmed into System.We only give you six digital number instead of Ten for security reason avoid hackers stealing the money online.When i receive your Informations i will release the remaining Four to enable you pick it up.<br />{MTCN}Control Number:869440xxxx<br />SENDERS FIRST NAME:Favour<br />SENDERS LAST NAME: Edwin<br />SENDERS COUNTRY...BENIN REPUBLIC<br />CITY: COTONOU<br />TEXT QUESTION: YOUR BEST GAME<br />ANSWER: FOOTBALL<br />AMOUNT: $4,000<br />Waiting for your information to make change of RECEIVER'S NAME to your name and release your MTCN to enable you pick up the fund.<br />Yours,<br />Rev.Favor Ralph<br />Email: <a href="mailto:w_union@terra.com">w_union@terra.com</a><br />WESTERN UNION MANAGING DIRECTOR</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Good grief.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But even I, an unabashed
cynic, believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt until doing so proves
unwise. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">And when it comes to your
brand new employee, bestowing the benefit of the doubt is especially important.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I’m talking about trust,
people. I’m talking about treating your new employee as though you sincerely
believe in his ability to competently do the job you hired him to do without an
inordinate amount of oversight, double-checking, and second guessing from you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Naturally a new employee
will make mistakes (as will any employee, actually), but mistakes are how we
learn. Mistakes, and the unpleasant feeling of failure, make lessons penetrate.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">My good friend and
consultant <a href="http://careerc.com/team/helen-a-richardson-ed-d/">Helen
Richardson</a> has developed a coaching model called A New Way to Think about
Work™, in which she proposes that work is a relationship. And it is. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So trust <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">me </i>when I tell you that treating your
new employee as though you aren’t sure you made the right decision in hiring
him is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> a good start to the
relationship. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">That’s why whenever I
teach anyone anything, I show him once, and then I leave him to do it. If,
after reviewing his efforts the work is good, I congratulate him and move on.
If the efforts are less than good, and I need to teach something again, I’ll do
it. But my goal is always to show once and move on. It’s efficient, and it
sends the message that I trust the learner’s ability to learn.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">At some point, no matter
how new your employee is or how much you perceive him as not knowing, you’ll
have to relinquish control or risk compromising your new hire’s performance as
his confidence wanes and his frustration grows—and that’s if he even decides to
stick around.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So here’s the question
you may want to ask yourself. What bad thing do you think will happen if you
trust your employee to do the job without your constant supervision? And, how
do you suppose your lack of trust is making your new employee feel about you
and his new job? Do you think it causes him to trust <i>you</i>?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10382703244406413369noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1855710257340998367.post-70559862529391247932014-02-28T21:33:00.003-05:002014-08-10T22:19:31.935-04:00Black History Month Friday—Cool Facts about Frederick Douglass<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf4_IRcOChKiPvYC3jDJlkNX4-nwr6XWhOdchsvesp0KRUXK_zXdTxVf1BNiWpJGqTYdoWeLUKNabi_vrSV0zd6ysiO0zcZ-LR0RORaAminBY75tsgwLID2Ts4ucqHDPt7VJV2ktHiOS4/s1600/frdo3928.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf4_IRcOChKiPvYC3jDJlkNX4-nwr6XWhOdchsvesp0KRUXK_zXdTxVf1BNiWpJGqTYdoWeLUKNabi_vrSV0zd6ysiO0zcZ-LR0RORaAminBY75tsgwLID2Ts4ucqHDPt7VJV2ktHiOS4/s1600/frdo3928.jpg" height="320" width="260" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Here it is, the last day
of the month, and I’m finally getting around to writing something about Black
History Month. That’s wrong.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">When I was a kid, BHM was a big deal. You’d see commercials about it on television all
month long, there’d be posters all around our school, and we’d have special lessons and projects,
too. Now the entire month goes by with barely a blip.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I asked my 10-year-old
son Thomas, “Did you do anything at school for Black History Month?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">He sighed heavily. (I'm getting that a lot these days for some reason.) “Well, Benjamin (not his
real name) gave a book report about George Washington Carver, and we read about
Rosa Parks.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Wow. All that? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Sad, sad,
sad. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Not that George
Washington Carver and Rosa Parks aren’t worthy of classroom time, but this is a
little pathetic, is all I’m saying.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So, I figure I should do
my part. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Here are a few facts
about one of my favorite African American figures, Frederick Douglass. (And
yes, I know Douglass is a BHM staple too, but dude is really, really
interesting.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>Facts About Frederick Douglass (With
a Little Opinion Thrown in for Good Measure)</i></b><b><i> </i></b></span></div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Douglass was born a slave in February 1818, which is one of the reasons BHM is celebrated in February, NOT because February is the shortest month of the year. At least … I’m pretty sure month length wasn’t a factor. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Douglass learned to read and write as a young boy, first being taught by his Mistress (until her husband put the <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=kibosh+definition&rlz=1C5CHFA_enUS562US564&oq=kibosh+definition&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l5.5979j1j4&sourceid=chrome&espv=210&es_sm=91&ie=UTF-8">kibosh</a> on that) and then by poor white boys in exchange for bread. (Damn. I don’t know which part of this story is sadder—the idea that there were people worse off than slaves, or the idea of a child sneaking around town offering up chunks of bread in exchange for reading and writing lessons.)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">When he was roughly 20 years old, Douglass fled his Baltimore plantation and landed in New York. Not too long after that, he married Anna Murray and settled in Massachusetts. In 1882, Murray died, and Douglass married his white former secretary. (Yes, you read that correctly. And, I don’t want to judge, but … I ... ah …. Oh, never mind.)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">In 1841, Douglass spoke before a white audience in Nantucket, Massachusetts. His speech was so well received that he was hired as a full-time antislavery lecturer by the Massachusetts Anti-Slavery Society. However, some doubted Douglass’ story, because he was too well spoken. (Gee, imagine someone being surprised that a black man is articulate? Well, I never!!)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">To prove the naysayers wrong, Douglass wrote his story. In 1845, <i>The Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass: An American Slave</i>, was published. Of course, some claimed that Douglass wasn't the real author.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">For 16 years, Douglass edited a successful black newspaper, successively called <i>The North Star</i> (1847-1851), <i>Frederick Douglass' Paper</i> (1851-1858), and <i>The Douglass Monthly</i> (1859-1863).</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Douglass was an advisor to President Abraham Lincoln—Hey! Does that make Douglass the original <a href="http://crystalspraggins.blogspot.com/2013/07/good-to-know-insights-from-your-black_27.html">black friend?</a>—during the Civil War. (I’m guessing, however, that Douglass did NOT advise Lincoln to <a href="http://www.history.com/news/5-things-you-may-not-know-about-lincoln-slavery-and-emancipation">suggest that all the slaves go back home, already.</a> Apparently at his wits' end that the war hadn’t yet ended, Lincoln had the (cough) brilliant idea that the slaves be colonized. You know… since we *all* were having such a hard time getting along, perhaps an amicable parting would make it all better, yo?)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Douglass died of heart failure in 1895, ending a well-lived life as a speaker, writer, abolitionist, and civil rights activist.</span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Learn more about Douglass on <a href="http://www.biography.com/people/frederick-douglass-9278324?page=2">Biography.com</a>. </span><br />
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