The B-Word Gets No Love From Me

The bible has plenty to say about the evils of a foul mouth, and I sometimes struggle with these scriptures, because I love words, even a few profane ones.

Did I say that?

The b-word is an exception. I don’t like the b-word. I don’t like to hear women describe other women (or themselves) using the b-word, and I definitely don’t like to hear men describe women using the b-word. It’s not just offensive, it’s boring. It’s lame. It’s unimaginative. It has no pizzazz. No sparkle.

I have a suggestion. Should it become necessary for you to employ less-than-flattering descriptors for a member of the female persuasion, consider these instead of the snoozefest-filled b-word—

heifer/trifling heifer (extreme cases)/lying manipulative she-devil/witch/witchy witch/witch of witches/bitter old hag/hate-filled bride of Satan/bride of Chucky/demon-spawn brat (age dependent)/phony fake faker (redundancies acceptable)/uptight shrill shrew-y (made-up words acceptable)/mean-spirited no good haterater/nasty heifer (highly critical cases)/balloon-busting sourpuss/thoroughly unpleasant individual/mean harpy harp/power-hungry dishonest two-faced fraud (gender–neutral)/nasty piece of work/snooty hussy/evil twisted chick

If simplicity is more your linguistic hallmark, you could merely say “She’s not very nice at all.”

Other suggestions? Please share!