Five Things I’ve Learned About Life From 'Scandal'

A few weeks ago I wrote a piece about my disappointment with the Scandal episode where Fitz murdered Vera.

This week, I’m going to sheepishly admit that—I’m back on board.

What can I say? Rhimes’ decision to move the storyline ahead ten months was very clever, indeed. I haven’t exactly forgotten about the murder, but it was ten months ago. That’s a lifetime in television-land. It’s a new day now. All is forgiven. Kind of, sort of.

Oh, I’m still hating on Fitz’s personality change, and the way he dogged poor Liv during the baptism (seriously Shonda? A baptism? Is NOTHING sacred?) made me feel real sorry for her, even if she is a masochist.

But nevertheless, I’m back. And now that I am, I’ve been giving some thought to what the heck happened here and what it has to teach us about life.

Here’s what I came up with.

Lesson #1—Life is NOT a meritocracy, folks.

If life were a meritocracy, and the most-most qualified person always got the prize, Fitz would have won the election without needing the oh-so-illegal intervention of Hollis and gang. But because life is not a meritocracy, and crazy/two-faced/right-wing zealot Sally was on her way to the Presidency, something had to be done. (By the way, one of these days I’ll write a post about the jacked-up portrayal of Christians on mainstream television. But not today.)

Lesson #2—Most Americans are stupid.

See lesson #1, okay? If the American people could have been trusted to make a good decision, David could have kept his reputation and his job, Fitz wouldn’t have gotten shot and now be inhabited by an alien, that young White House staffer wouldn’t have been killed, Fitz wouldn’t have had to kill Vera, and Fitz and Liv would still be star-crossed lovers sitting on her couch for “just one minute.” Dumb American people. Look what you did!!

Lesson #3—Bitter old ladies don’t deserve to live. Murder is wrong, but Vera was old, sick, and bitter, so if someone had to be suffocated to death, well …

Lesson#4—Some people really shouldn’t be parents. Fitz was on the edge, but it was at the mention of his father that you knew some shit was about to go down. Oh, what a difference a nurturing, supportive, non-philandering dad could have made! Fitz’s whole life might have taken a completely different direction, and maybe he’d have had the self-esteem to marry a gal like Liv, instead of needing to marry a scheming, manipulative woman like Mellie who’d do his dirty work.

And, finally …

Lesson #5—The benefit of a death-bed confession is overrated. Seriously, you should have kept that crap buttoned up, Vera! Now you’re dead (yes, that was bound to happen anyway, but still), and Fitz has blood on his hands. And he’s not like Cyrus, okay? Sooner or later he’ll no longer be able to live with himself, and then Rhimes will be forced to make something truly awful happen …

What about you? Have you learned any “life lessons” from watching Scandal? Please share!