Monday, November 17, 2014

17 Reasons I Can’t Save You from Being Abused by Your Corporate Narcissist

A friend and I were talking the other day about emotional abuse in the workplace. Both she and I have witnessed and experienced it, so we know it’s real. However, plenty of people think we’re both nuts (and drama queens).

But listen. People are people, and they haul their crap into the workplace damn near on cue. If you can believe that someone could emotionally abuse her kids, then you better believe she’d emotionally abuse her subordinates, or even her boss—if she could get away with it.

Those who emotionally abuse have quite a few tricks up their sleeves, such as manipulation and other forms of mind control, gaslighting, deception, lies, “divide and conquer techniques,” bullying, and even flattery. If you’ve ever worked for an emotional abuser, you might find yourself confused, frustrated, angry, and depressed. This is a perfectly normal reaction to a perfectly horrific situation.

I’ve found that the three best cures for the bad feelings that naturally result when the life blood is being slowly sucked out of you by a human predator are (1) knowledge, (2) prayer, and (3) distance.

But some people, it seems, don’t want a cure. As they say, “Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.”

Here are the top 17 reasons why you’re doomed to being used by your corporate narcissist. My apologies in advance.

  1. You believe that “deep down all people are good.”
  2. You believe in giving everyone the benefit of the doubt—again and again.
  3. Your definition of narcissism is limited to “someone who thinks too highly of himself,” and you’ve never heard the terms "malignant narcissism" or “destructive narcissist.”
  4. You think that if someone has attained a position of authority, he must have gotten there honestly.
  5. You think wicked people only work at other people’s organizations and truly evil people are rare.
  6. You think “labeling” someone is wrong.
  7. You’re trying to get through the work day with as little drama as possible, and you’re not interested in hearing anything “negative.”
  8. You grew up in a household marked by dysfunction, which has made you tolerant and vulnerable to bad behavior.
  9. You don’t believe that God would lead you to a “bad” workplace.
  10. You don’t need saving. You’re a narcissist and feed off the other narcissists within your organization.
  11. You’re ambitious and want to move up the corporate ladder by “any means necessary.”
  12. Your narcissist is protected within the organization by bystanders, fans, and those in high places who have been duped by the narcissist’s persona.
  13. You believe that people only do bad things because they’re hurting. You’re unconvinced that aggressive personalities exist and could be sharing your workspace. 
  14. You want nothing more than to “go along to get along.” 
  15.  You can’t admit that someone you once thought of as “good” is actually anything but, because that would mean you’ve been suckered and that’s unacceptable. 
  16. You think you can get along with anyone. You don’t or won’t recognize that your workplace predator is virtually incapable of being a true friend. 
  17. You pride yourself on being able to handle anyone. No one takes advantage of you! You forget these nasty folks are practiced liars and manipulators who probably spend most of their waking hours thinking of ways to get others to do whatever it is they want them to do.

For your sake, I hope you never have to come face to face with one of these meanies, because you’re going to be completely unprepared.

Just don’t say I didn’t try to warn you. 

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