Is Rachel Dolezal’s “Blackface” a Slap in the Face to African Americans?

When I heard the news that Rachel Dolezal, President of the NAACP chapter in Spokane Washington, was a white woman passing for black, I almost fell off my chair.

So many questions rushed in.

What in the … ? Why would any white person do such a thing? What does it mean? Was Dolezale wrong to do it? Should I be offended? If Dolezale assumed a black face to nab the NAACP role, are her actions any more objectionable than those of Dr. Albert Johnston, a black man who passed for white so that he could practice medicine?

And of course the biggest question of all—If a woman looks black and identifies as black, who’s to say she isn’t?

Is Race a Social Construct?

Dolezale sports a curly fro and olive skin, but recently released photos show she wasn’t born with these attributes.

In a CNN article, Dolezale’s mother says Dolezale grew up in a diverse household that included four adopted siblings who are black and that she was “always interested in ethnicity and diversity.”

At some point, Dolezale’s interest morphed into something more bizarre.

Ezra Dolezale, one of the adopted brothers, says he noticed physical changes taking place around 2011. “There was the gradual darkening of the skin and the hair. She started molding herself into who she is today.” Age 37 now, Dolezale would have been in her early thirties then.

Dolezale’s transformation begs the question: If a man can change his gender, why can’t a woman change her race?

Unlike gender, the experts tell us race is not biological. And so, I’ll ask it again—

If a white woman decides she wants to be black, who is anyone to object?

Does Context Matter?

Did Dolezale lie about her race simply to gain advantage, or would she truly prefer to be black? Does it matter?

One thing we know for certain—you don’t have to be African American to advocate for positive changes within the African American community.

In a formal statement about the controversy, the NAACP said: “One's racial identity is not a qualifying criteria or disqualifying standard for NAACP leadership.”

So what was Dolezale playing at? And why does it matter? If Dolezale wants to darken her skin, throw on a curly wig, and pretend she has a black father, why should we care?

(By the way, perhaps Chris Rock should interview Dolezale for Good Hair: The Sequel? It’s not every day you find a white woman who wants black hair. Just saying.)

Many Blacks Not Pleased

Dolezale announced earlier today that she is stepping down from her role.

I’d describe her note, posted on the NAACP's Facebook page, as a defiant piece of gobbledygook containing some surprisingly humble brag-worthy moments, such as when Dolezale writes: 

“I am consistently committed to empowering marginalized voices and believe that many individuals have been heard in the last hours and days that would not otherwise have had a platform to weigh in on this important discussion.”

Hmmm …

Dolezale’s statement, which is seven paragraphs long, is also conspicuously devoid of anything remotely resembling an apology. And even if Dolezale doesn’t owe any of us an apology, by all reports she owes her family members one, especially Erza, who told CNN: 

“She told me not to blow her cover about the fact that she had this secret life or alternate identity. She told me not to tell anybody about Montana or her family over there. She said she was starting a new life ... and this one person over there was actually going to be her black father."

Ezra Dolezale also gave this damning quote:

"It's kind of a slap in the face to African-Americans because she doesn't know what it's like to be black. She's only been African-American when it benefited her. She hasn't been through all the struggles.”

What do you think?

Clearly this black woman is conflicted.

Thinking of Hiring Your Kind of Liar? Think Again

There’s a certain type of leader you only have to work with for … oh … 5 minutes, before concluding that she sucks.

Why? Because said leader is extremely talented at making everything about her. As far as she's concerned, you and your opinions are garbage. (So if you’ve ever wondered why this manager always looks like she smells something bad, well, that’s why.)

Depending on how long the individual has been in the workforce, she may have learned to solicit your opinion every now and again (having been told that this is what good managers do), but you quickly discover she isn't listening, and she'll never use the information, or barely acknowledge you offered it.

Shame.

Like me, you may have wondered more than once how these damn people keep getting hired into positions of authority. Their self-centeredness and near pathologic need for control can’t be hidden. 

Could it be someone else in authority actually detected these traits during the interview stage and hired the person anyway?

Methinks yes.

Itching to hire "my kind of liar"

Considering everything we know about the psychology of talent sourcing, including how hiring managers often extend job offers to people who remind them of themselves, I’ve concluded that some of these truly awful leaders are brought on board because the hiring manager, who considers himself or herself a little cocky—but in a good way—believed this individual’s “edge” would be beneficial for the business.

The thinking goes something like this:

“Jamie’s a little haughty, but I like that. You need confidence in this game to get things moving. And I know she’s probably exaggerating her accomplishments a little, but she’s just trying to make a good impression. I like that, too. A bit of boldness never hurt. Plus, Jamie’s got great technical skills. I think we’d be lucky to have such a poised, aggressive, and knowledgeable person on staff.”

For the love of all that’s holy and good, employer, please … stop right there.

You know this person—not!

Once upon a time, I hired a man (let’s call him Pete) who exhibited humor, charm, and flawless professionalism. He had a great resume, too.

We had a good time during the interview. My BS meter went off once or twice, but I was having too much fun to pay it any mind. In my foolishness, I chalked Pete’s braggadocio up to youthful exuberance.

Sometimes I’m an idiot.

Later, I’d learn that Pete: 

• Falsified his resume, claiming education and work experience he didn’t have.
• Lied that he’d been laid off from his last job when he’d been fired.
• Colluded with a friend to provide a false reference. (Yes, believe it or not, Pete’s friend pretended to be his former manager at a company neither had ever stepped foot in.)
• Claimed to be enrolled in a Master’s degree program at a school that’d never heard of him.

It took me a few months to untangle Pete’s half-truths and outright lies, but boy was that a life lesson! (Also, Pete’s former manager and I became friends, which was nice.)

But I KNOW I’m not the only sucker to have hired a total fraud, all because I saw something of myself in this person and figured, “Hey, I’m okay, so he’s okay.”

Dumb.

I gave the recruiter who found Pete hell, but most of the blame fell squarely on my shoulders. Live and learn indeed.

Just say no 

There’s a common misconception that because we all tell lies, we should presume the liars we encounter are harmless.

Folks, that’s a dangerous presumption.

Despite my poor decision, I got off easy. Pete was not hired into a management position, and his performance tipped me off almost immediately that something was rotten in Denmark. Within a few months, he was gone.

Still, I implore you—don’t allow a trickster to slither into your workplace out of a mistaken belief that lying during a job interview is expected, and therefore it’s not only harmless but evidence of a savvy jobseeker/healthily ambitious worker who’s only doing what any one of us would do to get a job.

Instead of “your kind of liar,” you might find yourself with a deceiver like none other; one who wrecks your team, compromises your brand, and wastes your time—and that’s if you’re lucky.

When Politeness Fails

It wouldn’t be entirely off track to conclude we humans are a rude bunch of shut your mouths.

Go to any career-related website or job board, and you’ll read complaint after complaint about rude recruiters and heartless HR managers.

And each year, incivility in the workplace, including workplace bullying, costs employers millions, if not billions, in increased unscheduled absences, increased use of medical plans, lost productivity, and lawsuits. It's estimated that nearly 98% of employees have experienced bad behavior at work.

How ironic then, when politeness actually contributes to a less civil society.

When Nice Isn’t Good

I like nice. Nice people make the job more pleasant and less stressful.

Of course, that’s when people aren't just pretending to be nice. 

Because when nice is the thinnest of veneers attached with cheap glue to the ugliness underneath, nice isn’t very nice at all. More than that, genuinely decent folks should think long and hard about playing the games these so-called nice folks demand.

The Nice Narcissist

I used to work with a manipulative and devious individual I’ll call Andrea (not her real name).

Exhibiting the signs of a malignant narcissist, Andrea was a frequent and practiced liar whose one mission in life was to get her way—and she didn’t care who got hurt or what rules she broke in the process. 

While Andrea's true personality was visible to anyone with eyes to see, she wrapped it in a cloak of faux politeness.

Andrea had learned long ago that if she gave the appearance of decency, no one would challenge her evil acts. And mostly she was right. In the time I worked with her, it was rare for anyone to confront Andrea’s bold-faced lies, hypocritical statements, or nasty ways of using and abusing people.

The Problem with Politeness

It’s been said that it takes two to lie: One to lie and one to listen. Unfortunately, our workplaces are filled to abundance with those eager to lie and those only too willing to listen.

Most of us listen because it’s the courteous and socially accepted option. We’re taught that it’s not okay to tell someone in authority she’s lying, especially at work. In fact, never at work.

And this is a huge problem, because liars in the workplace generally aren’t content to spin tall tales for amusement value alone (although some are sick enough that lying and the sense of control it brings is pleasurable).

Instead, these deceivers want us to use their lies as the foundation for our action. They want us to swallow their bull and then do something we wouldn’t do if they’d simply leave us the hell alone.

Other times the objective is to exercise dominance—I will tell you a blatant lie, and I will force you to acknowledge it as truth.

Either way, it’s a violation of another’s free will, and it’s wrong.

It’s also offensive, because it’s a perversion of social mores created to protect the common good, not defile it.

A Preferred Way of Relating Is Just That: A Preference

It’s exasperating to what lengths some folks will go to excuse the bad behaviors of others.

“That’s just the way she is,” they say. “Nobody’s perfect,” they say. “It’s none of my business,” they say.

Like I said, exasperating. No one’s asking for perfection, just don't be a lying skeeze. But if you want to be a lying skeeze, then leave me out of it, please. Don’t expect me to validate your view of the world, don’t expect me to participate in your immoral dealings, don’t expect me to listen to your BS with an enthralled expression on my face—just don’t.

And as for the “that’s just the way he/she is” school of thought, well, I think that’s bunk. Even the personality disordered choose how they will interact with others. In the case of malignant narcissists, they manipulate, deceive, gossip, lie, backstab, and betray because it suits their purposes. Just like I’ll tell them to go to hell because it suits my purposes.

When Narcissism Becomes Normal, We’re All In Trouble

Dave Orisson, a pastor who writes about narcissism without sparing the church, explains it this way (highlights mine):

“… a cursory glance at our culture would be enough to conclude that narcissism is becoming not only normal, but desirable. 

Perhaps the qualities of narcissism—self-promotion, fantasy superiority, need for admiration, exploitation of others, sense of entitlement, lack of empathy or desire to care about the feelings of others—are so much a part of the normal lives of young people that no one especially thinks of them as problematic. When even those who are not narcissists accept narcissistic behavior as normal, the difficulty of dealing with those who hurt and use others may become insurmountable.”

Bucking the Trend

There are many valid reasons to keep your opinion of your coworkers’ veracity to yourself, that’s a fact. Still, allowing the people of the lie to define the world for the rest of us is a very bad idea.

Pastor Dave has a better idea:

“In relationships, especially, we can call out the behavior. We still claim to hold positive values in relationships. So we have the right and responsibility to help others maintain those values. Narcissism still hurts others, no matter how normal the behavior seems. Hurting others is still not acceptable. Speak up against abuse and lying and cheating and compromised values.

But there’s more. We can smile more and be more kind. A thousand little acts of kindness to show the world that narcissism does not rule everyone. Affirm relationships. Tell people that you value them and are grateful. For so many, the characteristics of narcissism have been adopted because they are afraid or have been made to feel unimportant. Thank people. See people, especially those who have been invisible in the past. Do things narcissists wouldn’t think about doing, especially for the sake of others.”

True kindness is more valuable than fake politeness any day.

The N-Word: Just Say ‘No’

(This posting written with an apology to my friend, D*.)

My friend D* is a white guy who doesn’t understand why black people call each other “nigger” (or more likely “nigga”), but white people can’t.

Yes, this question again.

D*, I’m going to attempt really, really hard to break this down for you, because I believe you’re honestly trying to understand what this is all about, and I respect that.

So here goes.

But first, a small history lesson.

Small, because I’m no historian.

However, Liz Regosin, a professor at St. Lawrence University, is a historian. And a couple of months ago, I attended a lecture with Regosin as the speaker. The topic was “Abraham Lincoln and Emancipation.”

The lecture was excellent. I learned things I hadn’t known. Such as, prior to the Civil War, Lincoln made this statement:

“Blacks and whites should not have perfect social and political equality.”

And this statement:

“Blacks and whites are not equal in color or moral and intellectual endowment; these differences keep us from living together.”

(Hmph. I guess Frederick Douglass was just a flippin’ freak of nature.)

These statements are startling in their boldness. They are startling in their denial of the humanity of black Americans.

And they reflect a worldview, or a belief system, that formed the foundation for race relations in these here great United States.

In my humble opinion.

In FY 2012, the EEOC fielded 33,512 charges of race discrimination, 10,883 charges of national origin discrimination, and 2,662 charges of color discrimination. Considering all the billions of workers in the US, these numbers may seem insignificant. However, I assure you that if you’ve ever been the victim of race, national origin, or color discrimination (I have), the situation wasn’t insignificant to you. I’d also bet cold hard cash that every single one of my readers of color has either experienced or knows someone who has experienced some form of race discrimination in the workplace that went unreported. Cold hard cash.

And I haven’t even touched on the umpteen numbers of microinsults and microaggressions that people of color experience each and every day. Just ask Trayon Christian and Kayla Phillips, both detained for shopping while black.

I’m not mentioning this stuff for the heck of it, and I’m certainly not mentioning it to stir up trouble. The point is, there is history here, there is a way that we’ve been taught to interact and view each other, and you could literally jump up and down while pounding your chest and swearing to God until you’re blue in the face that none of this has anything to do with you, a modern day white man, and I will simply respond that you, sir, are a liar.

You are no more capable of being unaffected by the culture than anyone else. We’re all in this mess together. We’ve all been tainted. Period.

So back to the n-word.

It’s simple really. If you are white, just say no. Historically, white people have used the word to demean, denigrate, and dehumanize black Americans. That’s a fact. And like it or not, you D* are a part of that history. As am I.

Perhaps it is hypocritical. Perhaps there is a double standard. (By the way, that’s not my opinion.)

But even if I were to agree that a double standard exists, I’m still perplexed as all get out why it bothers you so damn much. Are you just pissed that someone would have the gall to tell you what you can and can’t say? I don’t get it. Maybe you can write your own article, and then I’ll gain some understanding.

In the meantime, consider this.

There are women who affectionately refer to their girlfriends as “bitches.” (Personally, I have no love for the b-word.)

Now, if a group of women friends are out having dinner, loudly laughing and teasing each other, and one playfully warns the other “Alright bitch, you’re about to cross the line,” is it okay for the server (male or female of any ethnicity) to saunter up to their table, pen and pad in hand wanting to know, “Which one of you bitches is ready to order first?”

Exactly.

Context is everything. Relationship is everything. History as powerful as ours can never be made invalid.

Please D*, just say no.