I’ve been on both sides of this situation, as an employee who lost her mother and as an HR professional responsible for educating folks on the company’s leave polices during their times of need. As a result, I think I understand a little about it.
I
remember returning to work after my mother died and honestly not caring that
much about Betty Sue’s squabble with Billy Boy or that such and such was mad about
her bad performance review. I needed to work through that new-found apathy,
and I did, but anyone at this time in my life expecting me to attack workplace
conflicts with the same intensity and interest as before my mother passed would
have been sorely disappointed. Some might criticize me for this, and they’re entitled
to their opinions. But I’m human.
The
experience of losing my mother altered my perspective in another way, too. Now
when an employee came to me requesting information about family leave, debating
how to balance the demands of work with the instinct to go home and be with
family I’d say, “Listen, if you think you need to go home, then go home. Your
work will be waiting when you get back.” And I’d make extra sure the employee’s
manager understood the company’s policies and legal obligations in this case.
HR professionals have some power to create environments in which it’s okay
for an employee suffering a loss—such as the losses now being endured by the
families of Sandy Hook—to take just a little time to process their new world,
the one devoid of their mother, father, child, parent, spouse, or other loved
one. In my opinion, women need special permission, because we are told that if
emotion affects our work, we are weak and “unprofessional.”
Employer
resources are limited, and there is
no policy that can heal a broken heart. There is no amount of time an employer can offer after which everything
will be alright. But we don’t have to go the opposite extreme either, expecting
that with the funerals over, employees can go back to acting like nothing has
changed. We can exercise a little wisdom. We can exercise a little kindness. We
can be human. It’s fine, really.
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