I
was chatting with a girlfriend today, and the conversation veered to women in the
workplace—the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I
appreciate my female friendships, and I appreciate women. (This is not just my
opinion of myself. I once took a Rorschach inkblot test, and it was right there
in the blot—I have good relationships with women.) And, I have had some wonderful
female colleagues and bosses. These women were knowledgeable, supportive, and fantastic
teachers. But, man, have I met my share of she-devils along the way!
Bullies
and liars and backstabbers, oh my! What is going on here?
I am the Queen, and don't you forget it! |
Theories
abound. Some say it’s the “Queen Bee Syndrome.” The Queen Bee is that female
leader determined to maintain her power no matter what. She is no friend to
other women aspiring to get ahead in the workplace. Those women are a threat
and must be dealt with, so out comes the sarcasm, sly insults, undermining,
sabotage, and so forth. Queen Bees are freakin’ unpleasant, but they get away
with this behavior because those without power are too
fearful for their own survival to say anything, and those with power (mostly men) don’t perceive what’s happening, may view this
behavior as harmless or even amusing (cat fight, anyone?), or may be indifferent,
reasoning that we’ve all got to learn to fight our own battles. If there happens
to be another woman with some power who dares to question the Queen Bee’s
tactics, she will become the target of all sorts of malicious retaliation until
she is either neutralized or leaves the organization. Ugly stuff.
In
"Caution: Woman
Competing at Work," authors Katherine Crowley and Kathi Elster pose another
theory. They suggest that some women simply haven’t learned the skill of
competing in a healthy way. They state that women must unlearn the habit of “covert
competition,” a form of aggression that involves indirect put downs that give
the covert competitor the perception of “winning.” The authors recommend that
women end the cycle of covert competition by “not going there,” that is, not responding
negatively to indirect aggression but instead finding ways to react neutrally
or collaboratively. The authors’ offer five “Don’t Go There” tips, including “Do
not counter attack. Do not roll your eyes at her, badmouth her to your
girlfriends, or turn a cold shoulder to her as she walks by.”
In
my opinion, this tip is awesome for building character, but it won’t
necessarily save your job, provided your
nasty girl has no intention of being rehabilitated and is receiving support for
her bad behavior. Building character is great, and I highly recommend it—I just
wouldn’t want anyone getting her hopes up. Some folks are just plain mean. I think the best of the tips is “practice
being friendly toward other women at work without necessarily becoming friends.
Be selective about the female colleagues that you let into your inner circle.
Let each woman earn your trust.”
The
workplace is a competitive arena, and we do
need to learn to compete respectfully and professionally within it. Whether
you’re dealing with a Queen Bee, a covert competitor, or something else
altogether, I’m rooting for you, because again, I appreciate women. Plus, I think work is hard enough without
having to deal with this crap.
No comments:
Post a Comment