Awards for perfect attendance, so many years on the job, and “most helpful coworker” are nice, but I believe employers can do much better.
Here are five awards that’ll REALLY make your employees feel special.
We Should’ve Listened Award
We admit it. We didn’t think you knew what the hell you were talking about. But then we did that thing, and the employee got all upset, and then we got that annoying letter from his lawyer, and then we had to call our lawyer, and shoot! it was a mess. But when we came to you, you cleaned all that crap right up. Oops, our bad! We should’ve listened.
You Called Us on Our Bull Award
After that last team-building retreat, we were all fired up about the possibilities of maximizing the workforce and discovering the key performance indicators of our widget-making Woo Hoo. Right away we decided to restructure/revise/revamp and appoint a Strategic Overseer of all Things Magical, and we were real excited about it! And then you said, “Um… exactly what does this have to do with our business?” and we hated you.
Wait a minute ... we don’t want to give you an award after all. Scratch that.
You Came Back From Lunch Award
Not everyone has. Nuff said.
Thanks for Not Suing Us Award
We appreciate you taking it on the chin for the team, ‘cause we know we’ve broken EEOC, DOL, IRS, and some state and local regulations, but we’re family, right? Stuff happens. We appreciate that you get that and aren’t giving us a hard time. We don’t do too well with that.
You Can Deal With Any A-Hole Award
Because of you, we can breath a sigh of relief. Ricky in Procurement had gone through six assistants and two directors and been personally named in three EEOC complaints, and we were just about to have to face facts and actually deal with him. But then you came along. And because you can get along with anyone, we can go back to ignoring our Ricky problem. Yeah, he’s still horrible to work with, but everyone now has YOU to act as liaison, and it’s all good. Thank you!
So that's my list. Can you think of others?